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Is it wrong if a girl chooses to remain single and enjoy her own company? It may be tough but shouldn't it be her choice - whether or not to marry?
Is it wrong if a girl chooses to remain single and enjoy her own company? It may be tough but shouldn’t it be her choice – whether or not to marry?
We have all probably witnessed or heard of cases of domestic violence and of unhappy marriages. And we probably also know of unhappy children due to the discrepancies between their parents or even of unhappy single parents.
After witnessing all this, almost everyone thinks they wouldn’t want any such relationship. One that only has sacrifice and nothing else. A relationship where one has to lose themselves. This relationship may be a marriage or becoming a parent.
But it is also followed by the societal pressure on us and our families that forces us to be in these kinds of relationships. ‘Log kya kahenge?’ (what will the people say) is always given more importance than a person’s happiness.
A relationship like marriage, comes with lots of sacrifices, especially for women. And the sacrifices are innumerable. Like, marriage is merely the starting point of all the sacrifices she will make from that day to her last day.
So, if taking the one step of marriage can change a woman’s entire life, doesn’t she have the choice to take that step or does she HAVE to follow it compulsorily? Can a woman choose to be single her entire life?
I remember this saying, ‘A single and happy woman is far better than a married and an unhappy one.’ But the society doesn’t usually allow girls to remain single. They are always ready to point out some flaw in everything a girl wants to try.
Society questions the family if they wish to educate the girl child. They are asked things like, ‘Why do you need to educate her when she is only going to handle the kitchen?’ If a family supports the girl moving out of home for work, they are told, ‘It’s not safe for a girl to go out of her hometown! You are putting her life in danger!’
And if a girl wants to marry the person of her choice, she is told, ‘Girls shouldn’t be allowed to have a love marriage since it is against our traditions!’ These things are few of those girls and their families have to hear.
And our society is strange! It doesn’t allow a girl to talk to a stranger but will force her to marry a stranger – a person, she hardly knows. After getting married, if the girl realises that she doesn’t want to spend the rest of her life with that man, neither her family, nor the society even bother understanding it. According to a lot of families, marriage is the ultimate decision and if you are married to someone, you need to love them and maintain that relationship till your last breath.
But can love be forced on anyone? Just because they are married, doesn’t necessarily mean they are supposed to be together for the rest of their lives! If either one of them realises they aren’t compatible, they should have the right to terminate it. Marriage must not be a burden to be carried all life long.
Is it wrong if a girl chooses to remain single and enjoy her own company after seeing things happening around her? It might be difficult for her but it is still far better than being with someone you don’t want to be with. At least, this way, she will be the only one responsible for her life, rather than blaming her family or the society.
Today, when everyone is independent and self-sufficient, marriage should be a choice and not the only way to live in the society. It shouldn’t be, ‘jo ab tak hota aaya hai, aage bhi vahi ho.’ (Since it has happened for ages, this is what should continue)
‘Log kya kahenge,’ ‘budhape mein akele rehna mushkil hota hai’ (it is tough living on your own when you’re old) and ‘ladki ki uske pati ke bina koi value nai karta’ (no one values a girl if she doesn’t have a husband) shouldn’t be given more importance than a person’s happiness.
Times have changed now and so are the mindsets of the people. But we still have a long way to go.
Picture credits: Still from Bollywood movie Veere Di Wedding
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We can’t bombard impressionable young women in the name of enlightened entertainment to feed them the same drivel. At least let us not label misogynist movies as helping the cause of women.
I have watched at least 2 ‘purported’ trailblazing Bollywood movies in the recent past that left me with a feeling that I had taken part in the ice-bucket challenge all over again. This time around, however, without even the satisfaction of having supported a worthy cause.
Both the movies have about a 90% liking rate on IMDB/Rotten Tomatoes. Both are touted to ‘sensitively’ portray the taboo topics that seem to be mostly hidden underneath a layer of banana peels – dangerous to even tread nearby.
Dushyanta clearly remembered everything. But he didn't have any intention to accept a poor woman from a remote hermitage as his wife and her son as theirs.
Dushyanta clearly remembered everything. But he didn’t have any intention to accept a poor woman from a remote hermitage as his wife and her son as theirs.
She sat motionless on the royal bed, her knees drawn up to her chin, staring vacantly outside the palace window.
She was sheathed in exquisite scarlet red silk, shot through with golden threads forming intricate traditional patterns. Chests of gems and jewellery were strewn all over the bed. The maids were fussing over whether a diamond-studded necklace would suit their queen or a gold choker would look better. Another younger maid was arranging her tresses in a coiffeur.
Most Indians' reasons to get married are not about looking at marriage as a legal commitment made to someone you truly love.
Most Indians’ reasons to get married are not about looking at marriage as a legal commitment made to someone you truly love.
Marriage can be a beautiful bond between two people, an institution followed by most of religions in the world. Meeting of two souls, bodies blah blah…Some people believe in it, some don’t. It is a matter of personal choice. But what’s disturbing is how we look at marriage, especially in India.
We are obsessed with the idea of marriage and all for the wrong reasons. It only shows how mistaken we are about the idea of ‘settling down’. For us, the idea of settling down is not about having a good career, being financially and mentally stable… It’s all about getting married.
'Log kya kahenge' is an illness Indian society has. So much that is wrong with it is because of this fear of what people will say, since ancient times, even found in our epics.
‘Log kya kahenge’ is an illness Indian society has. So much that is wrong with it is because of this fear of what people will say, since ancient times, even found in our epics.
As a 90’s kid I grew up watching the Ramayana every Sunday on national television. I loved it; somehow it had and still has, a soothing effect upon me. The characters are beautiful yet simple and graceful at the same time. On the one hand, there are so many things to learn, yet on the other hand there are too many questions left unanswered.
Since then I have seen the repeat telecasts of the same or different versions on various channels. Read books of and about this epic. Spent countless hours googling for insights.