#CelebrateingtheRainbow at the workplace – share your stories of Pride!
A patriarchal society run by toxic masculinity has taught us that men need to be 'strong' and 'tough'. But don't men have feelings that get hurt too?
A patriarchal society run by toxic masculinity has taught us that men need to be ‘strong’ and ‘tough’. But don’t men have feelings that get hurt too?
In the movie Kabir Singh, Shahid Kapoor runs behind a house help to bash her in the opening scene because she has broken a glass. The audience jeers while I cringe in my seat. In another next flashback scene, he bashes his opponent’s team in a football match. The angry young man act has girls swooning in their seats.
And the lead actor then goes on to assert his territorial rights over a fresher in college whom he has taken liking to. He controls almost every action of hers, dictates which friends she must have how she must dress. In one scene he slaps her, hard, when the her father does not give consent for their marriage.
He goes on to become a raging alcoholic and drug-addict in order to ‘forget’ the girl. And we have the audiences eating out of his hand by the time he indulges in a purely physical relationship with another woman. All this because women are just sexual objects, anyway.
Finally all becomes well only after the girl in question agrees to marry the ‘hero.’ I walked out of the theatre hitting my head. When will this view of ‘manly’ behaviour change? This, my dear readers, is a classic portrayal of toxic masculinity.
Traditionally, whenever we see misogynistic or patriarchal behaviour, we justify it. ‘Boys will be boys’ or it is ‘normal guy behaviour,’ we say. Acts of bullying, aggression, harassment and violence are considered normal.
So what does this “toxic masculinity,” or “traditional masculinity ideology,” mean? Researchers have defined it, in part, as a set of behaviours and beliefs that include the suppression of emotions and masking distress, and maintaining an appearance of hardness. It also includes using violence as an indicator of power, you know, ‘tough guy’ behaviour?
Toxic masculinity also includes believing that men cannot be victims of abuse or if they are, talking about it is an act of shame. Men who like traditionally ‘girly’ things like romantic novels or books, and the ones who express their feelings are being silly or aren’t ‘manly enough.’
In other words, toxic masculinity is what can come of teaching boys that they can’t express emotion openly. It comes from them having to be tough all the time. And that anything other than toughness makes them feminine, or rather, weak.
Well, such patriarchal beliefs don’t just hurt women, they hurt men too! Such emotional repression leads to increased stress, depression and substance abuse in some cases. Men are more likely to attempt suicides than women, says one study.
Since childhood we teach our boys not to cry. We teach them if they are bullied, they must become strong and hit back. Nowhere are they told that it is okay to feel weak and pour your heart out. Worst part is that they are taught to hit back and aggression. Violence is considered part of normal ‘boy behaviour.’
Some statistics also reveal that most boys who were abused as kids, never open up about it till much later in their life. This is mostly because it is considered a sign of weakness. They may even be taught that had they been strong enough, they would’ve never been abused.
All of this ‘tough-guy’ act can lead to harmful effects such as violence- sexual assault and domestic violence, promiscuity. It could also lead to risky or socially irresponsible behaviour including substance abuse, and dysfunctional relationships. Stronger men seeking power over women and sexual promiscuity or the ‘playboy’ behaviour is considered normal.
Most men are never able to break out of this mould and talk about what could be hurting them or affecting their mental health. They might feel vulnerable and stressed but need to put up the self-reliant, ‘tough’ guy act all the time.
Let us recognise these misogynistic behaviours and work towards changing them for the coming generations. Let us tell our boys it is okay to cry. That they do not have to be strong all the time. They most definitely do not have to hit back. It is okay to feel vulnerable and weak – we all need a listening ear and a hug sometimes.
Change lies in not only empowering women but also educating our men.
Picture credits: Still from Bollywood movie Ae Dil Hai Mushkil
read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
Can you believe this bloke compelled me to wear only saris - full time at home- till the eighth month of my pregnancy?! The excessive heat coupled with humidity made my life miserable.
Recently when I browsed an interesting post by a fellow author on this very forum I had a sense of déjà vu. She describes the absolutely unnecessary hullabaloo over ladies donning nighties and /or dupatta –less suits.
I wish to narrate how I was in dire straits so far wearing a ‘nightie’ was concerned.
I lived in my ultra orthodox sasural under constant surveillance of two moral guardians (read Taliban) in the shape of the husband’s mom and dad. The mom was unschooled and dim-witted while the dad was a medical practitioner. But he out-Heroded the Herod in orthodoxy.
My supervisor introduced me as a valuable member of the team, emphasizing my skills and contributions rather than focusing on my gender identity. This simple act set the tone for my experience in the workplace.
As a transwoman navigating the corporate world, I had encountered my fair share of discrimination and challenges. Transitioning without the support of my parents and having limited friendships in my personal life made the journey difficult and lonely. However, when I stepped into the office, something remarkable happened, I left behind the stress and negativity, embracing a space where I could truly be myself.
Joining the marketing team as a graphic designer, I was initially apprehensive about how my colleagues would react to my gender identity. But to my surprise, the atmosphere was welcoming and respectful from day one. My supervisor, Sarah, introduced me as a valuable member of the team, emphasizing my skills and contributions rather than focusing on my gender identity. This simple act set the tone for my experience in the workplace.
As I settled into my role, I discovered that my colleagues went out of their way to make me feel comfortable and included. They consistently used my correct name and pronouns, creating an environment where I could be authentically me. Being an introvert, making friends wasn’t always easy for me, but within this workplace, I found a supportive community that embraced me for who I truly am. The workplace became a haven where I could escape the stresses of my personal life and focus on my professional growth.
Please enter your email address