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When Love Becomes Your Hope

Posted: March 27, 2020

While signing the medical waiver, a strange sense of urgency gripped me. Like there won’t be another day. Like everything had to be rushed today. All thank yous’, sorries’, goodbyes’ to be done today.

I folded my knees and pushed myself up halfway supported by the backrest. The syringe in the left hand almost made me scream. And the tubes in the nose left me panting. But the time was short. I could not leave without a parting word. But facing him wasn’t going to be easy. It is in his eyes, that death looks the most ghastly.

So falling over my right arm, I tried to pull a pen and a diary. Some emotions are better conveyed in writing, so I believed. But even that effort was too much for my fragile body. So I rested my head on the back, closed my eye and let the mind do the talking.

The cool ocean breeze wafted through my hair and the salty drops settled on my lips. I was taken to the serene shore of that bright summer morn. When the sun stretched its arms across the skies like someone trying to embrace it with all its might. A little far on the shore, were we, sitting like a picture in the eternity. Our shoulders brushing against each other. Our breaths in tandem.

Thank you, Milch! Thank you for giving me the last beautiful memory of my life.
It all felt like a dream that day. When you came down on your knees and asked me. Your deep brown eyes were shimmering with love.
But I am sorry to have failed you. The ring which I had so wished to be mine, will now adorn someone else’s life. Perhaps we were never meant to be together.
But my love for you stays the same. In fact, it grows a little more every day. When you come to visit me at the hospital and in the losing battle between life and death, pull me closer to life, I wish to halt the time.
I love you for bringing me the fragrance of roses; for lending me your shoulder for support; for giving me one more reason to smile.
Thank you Milch for keeping my faith in love alive. For being here with me despite everything. Despite terrible fevers, aches, sores, migraines, breathlessness and in the final race with time.
…………………….
As if on the cue, the door creaked and I opened my eyes.

“Hey, how do you feel today?” Milch asked placing a dainty rose on the far table. I forced a smile with my aching jaw. He leaned over and snaked his arms behind my back to help me lie.

“You seem to be up for long. Getting your strength back. That’s a good girl!” He smiled. “Need anything to eat?”

I nodded.

Suddenly, a wave of graveness swept across his face. He took my hand in his and said, “I want to ask you something?”

My heart skipped a beat. Lately, such expressions had only been conduits of bad news. There was something terrible on the way for me, I knew. ‘I don’t want to leave you Milch’, a silent scream escaped my heart and mist started to gather around the corner of eyes.

In a flash, he got down on his knees and whisked out a beautiful sparkling ring.

“Marry me, will you?” He asked extending his hand with the ring forward.
My emotions found their vent in tears. It was that one moment of my life when I detested myself more than anything in life. “Milch you are crazy, I am dying!” I mumbled in between my labored breaths.

“I won’t let you go.” He said taking my hand in between his palms.

“You can’t stop what’s destined.” I shrieked.

“Destined is our togetherness, our love and years of happiness ahead.” He said before slipping the ring on my finger.
…………………
Next day I was to be taken for another chemotherapy session. He held my hand for as long as I remember. His eyes were so profound, full of hope. His hands were exuding strong life energy. I could sense life waiting for me on the other edge. Despite pains, miseries, struggles and disappointments, I knew I would make it to another day.
………………….
Its been 30 years with him since that day. Today the world knows me as a counselor, a cancer survivor and Milch’s wife.

Image via Pixabay

I am a stay-at-home mom, an avid reader and sometimes an impulsive writer.

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