If you are passionate about teaching, then Hackberry offers you franchise opportunities to turn this passion into your profession!
Why should a girl leave her parents’ home after wedding? Couldn't the give and take of relationships be based on choice rather than 'tradition'?
Why should a girl leave her parents’ home after wedding? Couldn’t the give and take of relationships be based on choice rather than ‘tradition’?
“So, basically when we do not live with your parents, that is erosion of our values. But, when I leave my parents after our wedding, that is cultural protocol?” she exclaimed with deep pain.
Her fiancé had nothing logical to say.
Patriarchy is too deeply rooted in our culture and lifestyle. We are sometimes blind towards it. One of the many such instances is when girls leave their parents’ homes after the wedding. The custom of moving in with the husband’s family affects all the aspects of a girl’s life.
A girl child in a typical Indian household hardly experiences a sense of belonging. Her parents are on a daughter grooming project since the day she is born.
As the little girl follows this rigorous curriculum towards becoming a perfect wife, she is made to feel that her real home is her in-laws’ home. This ideology creates a disconnect between the child and the environment that she is presently living in. She starts shying away from sharing her everyday experiences with her parents. She might conceal her problems to depict that she is capable to handling those on her own.
This upbringing sometimes brings fatal consequences. When a daughter is dealing with an abusive relationship, she is bound to hide it from her family worsening the suffering for her. She is convinced that her parents will not empathize with her, and will ask her to adjust and wait for the things to get better. She is more concerned about the society’s perceptions of her parents rather than her personal well-being.
The little girl has to be prepared to be an ideal daughter-in-law rather than growing up into a strong independent lady. She has to show to the world how great she will turn out to be when she grows up.
I was at a friend’s wedding and an elderly lady asked a seventh-grade girl if she can cook Punjabi cuisine. The girl hesitated, looked at her mom, and then said, “Yes, I can.”
It was devastating. How can we create an environment for our daughters wherein they are ashamed to admit that they do not know to cook? How can we be adamant to the extent of making our daughters lose the value of honesty?
Later, I had a conversation with the girl and discovered that she is a national champion of Science Olympiad. But probably her cooking skills are perceived to be more valuable than her aptitude. In the lieu of making our daughters flawlessly marriage-ready, we are robbing of their childhood and their potentially glorious careers. The time devoted in conditioning them should be rather used in letting them be and relentlessly supporting their professional journeys.
Many would claim that times have changed, and parents are encouraging their daughters to pursue their careers. However, for most, it is always work “AND” household duties. A lady needs to be a superwoman because managing one’s in-laws and husband is a non-negotiable affair. If time permits, she can pursue her ambitions. Her career is left at her in-laws’ mercy.
How can we give others the power to govern our daughters’ lives? How can we see our daughters’ hard-earned degrees rusting in the corner while she juggles to make her in-laws and husband happy?
And then she neither really belongs to her parents’ home nor to her husband’s home. How can such women raise independent daughters? It is a vicious cycle.
This tradition of daughters leaving their homes is an underlying reason for Indian parents’ not wishing for a girl child. She is never going to be there for them when they grow old. So, they wish to bear a boy child, whose wife will become a glorified maid for them. That is why daughters are termed as ‘Paraya Dhan’ in Indian society. We all have witnessed the people feeling pity for the couples with no sons because they are apparently going to face a troublesome retirement.
Many might argue that now with the metropolitan lifestyles, both husband and wife leave their parents. But that does not relieve a girl of her responsibilities towards her in-laws. The same accountability is not visited on the husband towards his in-laws. Even though they might be living independently, the expectations of looking after the home and being there for her in-laws whenever required, is always present for a woman.
Relationships are made stronger with understanding. And understanding is developed when we view the situations without getting biased by cultural norms that are firmly implanted in our nurturing.
Taking care of your husband’s family is beautiful unless it is forced upon you. Similarly, looking after your wife’s family is equally delightful and that does not make you lesser of a man.
Living with your husband and in-laws, and feeling lucky to be a part of a new family is an amazing feeling unless it is not voluntary. Similarly, staying at your wife’s place and building a great rapport with her parents is equally rewarding and it does not make you insensitive towards your parents; it does not make you a subject to be frowned upon by society.
It is paramount for your life partner to acknowledge that you too have a family and you are going to devote yourself to them equally or sometimes more. It works both ways. This cognizance is the epitome of EQUALITY.
Image source: a still from the movie Hum Aapke Hain Kaun
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views. Individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times. If you have a complementary or differing point of view, sign up and start sharing your views too!
A voracious reader,
A novice writer,
An ardent promoter of energy efficiency. read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, indivisual posts do not necessarily represent the platofrom's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
We are conditioned to normalise domestic violence out of fear of abandonment. Thinking that 'trauma bonding' is better than no bonding holds us back from speaking up!
(Trigger Warning: This post may be triggering for survivors of domestic violence. This post has been published especially to honour the International Day For The Elimination of Violence Against Women.)
Everyone said my perfect husband was like Lord Ram…. but this is how he took unfair advantage of my tolerance!
My grandmother was very fond of my husband whose name is synonymous with Lord Ram’s name. Every call she made to my husband started with the bhajan “Aaj sab mil mangal gao, Awadh mai, raam aye hain“. (Hail everyone, sing praises, Lord Ram has come in the kingdom of Awadh.) It was a mandatory welcome song whenever she met him or even spoke to him on the phone. Yes, his attributes were like that of Lord Ram. His attitude, chivalry, persona, fair skin, smile, height, physique and charm illustrate the perfect image of Lord Ram.
He was a generous man but she hardly knew much about the investments or their financial health. A couple of times, she had asked him and he had been vague. Now when she thought about it...
He was a generous man but she hardly knew much about the investments or their financial health. A couple of times, she had asked him and he had been vague. Now when she thought about it…
The Muse of the Month is a monthly writing contest organised by Women’s Web, bringing you original fiction inspired by women.
Chandrika R. Krishnan is one of the winners for the November 2021 Muse of the Month, and wins a Rs 750 Amazon voucher from Women’s Web. The juror for this month, Anuradha Kumar commented, “This introspective, quiet, story with its depiction of the relationship between two relatively older people is quite impressive. A lifetime spent together can bring familiarity and still allow for many mysteries and secrets. Also, the structure of the story, shifting from an external perspective to an internal monologue is well-done.”
India is still a long way from creating a safe space for women, despite the beti bachao rhetoric. Here is why the author thinks Indians don't want daughters.
India is still a long way from creating a safe space for women, despite the beti bachao rhetoric. Here is why the author thinks Indians don’t want daughters.
Despite being one of the most rapidly growing economies in the world, India is still considered a conservative country in several matters.
As per the Constitution of India, all the citizens have equal rights and opportunities without being discriminated on the basis of caste, class, religion or gender.
'Patriarchy' is not just a word; it's a feeling that haunts most modern women all around the world, even more, when they are living in a society that has each and every traditions and social customs based on patriarchal norms.
’Patriarchy’ is not just a word; it’s a feeling that haunts most modern women all around the world, even more, when they are living in a society that has each and every traditions and social customs based on patriarchal norms.
Growing up, I was surprised by the practices being followed in the name of religion and tradition.
Practices that forbid women to even sit at a common dining table during her menstrual cycle, where she is not allowed to cook food or enter the kitchen during menstruation, practices that talk about the girl child as a commodity that has to be sent to ‘her rightful house’ through rituals like ‘kanyadaan’ and ‘bidai’, that tell girls to be home by 8pm while the male members can loiter and enter home even at 2am, drunk.