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Expecting one sided adjustment only from women is unfair. Yet so many of us readily do it. If this is not conditioning by patriarchy, what is?
It is widely said by many that nowadays women have developed a lot when compared to the women thirty or forty years ago. The common perception is that as many of us go for jobs, we are said to be independent and enjoy a lot these days. Is this really true? I don’t know.
I feel that there is not much improvement in many of us irrespective of our jobs due to a hidden enemy which always defeats us. This enemy is so smart that we don’t even know that it hinders our growth. The main problem here is that we don’t realize our blunder and even feel proud to get defeated by this enemy…
I am talking about “ADJUSTMENT” which I strongly feel is the hidden enemy for many of us. It is like a curse and many of us would have heard of this word from early days of our life. It is said that we have to adjust a lot to be happy in our life. I have wondered many times that why it is said mostly to women and not men!
There are few of us who adjust to everything in life. We always want to be a role model and think of others’ happiness first and sacrifice a lot. We are wired in such a way that we think that it is our sole responsibility to serve others and we adjust without having the things that we yearned for.
I personally feel that adjustment causes more pain to us. Let me explain. As we adjust, we expect the same from others and we are happy if it is reciprocated by others. If not, we are upset towards them and it pains us a lot. It is almost as if women are expected to do this adjustment without expectations.
This hidden enemy attacks us a lot after marriage. Many of us are brought up like a princess in our parents’ home irrespective of our economic status. We get many things we wish for and enjoy our life a lot. It is natural that we have a little fear/anxiety regarding our future married life and if we are going to live in a joint family then we are worried more. At this stage, this adjustment advice is given to us by many people.
I am living in a joint family for many years and from my experience, I strongly feel that we need not win in the race to be the best daughter in law. Others expect a lot from us due to this, and we may feel pressurized to perform some activities even if we don’t wish to do it. It hurts us when others don’t reciprocate it and we are taken for granted.
I am not against mutual adjustment in any relationship..I wish to reiterate that adjustment shouldn’t always be one sided, and there is no hard and fast rule that only women should always adjust.
It is high time that we fight against our hidden enemy and always emerge as an unbeatable winner in our life!
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Who am I ???…
I am sensitive, possessive, honest, a bit selfish and I believe in others fully..But if they betray my trust, I would neither forgive nor forget the same..
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Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
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Mostly Normal is a book of innocence, longing, filial love, angst and acceptance, encapsulating a gamut of human emotions within its lightweight edifice. The book touches the human heart and will stay with you.
Some books enthral you till the last page, and then there are those that you stop reading after turning a few pages. Some books are a one-time read, while you carry some books with you long after you have read them. Then, once in a while, a book hits you so close to home that you find it difficult to slot into any category.
I will put Priyadeep Kaur’s Mostly Normal (BookSoul Reads, 2022) in this last bracket.
At a little less than hundred pages, Mostly Normal is a testimony of the power of words to inspire, irrespective of their length.
Most women do not get to live their lives the way they want, on their own terms. So why should they be tied down in their old age?
Every morning, while dropping the kids at the bus stop, I find a grandfather waiting with his granddaughter. I see him again when I fetch the kids. This has been the pattern for the last few years.
He is seen actively participating in his granddaughter’s activities, from morning and evening walks to attending her parent-teachers meeting, sending her for extracurricular activities to even planning her birthday party. He is admired by all. He is appreciated for making himself useful in his old age. People rave that the doting grandfather is doing his duty towards his children and grandchildren. The much-admired grandfather is also a widower, having lost his wife years ago to chronic disease. It’s also to be noted that both his son and daughter-in-law are working parents.
Every day, the onlookers appreciate his sense of duty and dedication. They say that this is how the elderly should keep themselves occupied. They should bring up their grandchildren while their children go off to work.
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