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I know of someone who makes his wife repeatedly list down all the ways in which she makes meaningful contributions towards the household. Really? Then he might as well hand her a collar to tie around her neck.
‘If you made any money of your own, you’d be more careful while spending mine.’
Find this cringeworthy? I did as well.
Over a workout session, a friend of mine told me about how her husband had been giving her a hard time over months, in his sometimes passive aggressive, sometimes belittling ways, ever since her business had to downsize considerably, in conjunction with which, some investments sank as well.
They belong to a well to do family, with a big house, three kids, international holidays et all, the usual trappings of a happy urban life. So to me this came as a shock. How could the sweet, mild mannered, witty husband suddenly transform into this Goga Kapoor like bad guy?
Things had deteriorated to a point where, assaulted with this guilt of ‘not contributing enough’ she was walking around in torn shoes, refusing to go to the parlour for any feminine basics and changing whatever she could in her life to make a frugal living. The financial situation didn’t seem to be bothering the husband though, as he continued spending lavishly on personal items, friends’ birthdays, his special diet meals etc.
This is an eternal debate from the time of the Neanderthals in the evolutionary scheme of things. ‘I man, I forage, get food, build house. Ooga Booga. You woman, you keep house, take care of kids’! Equitable distribution of responsibilities? Fair enough.
But things have changed so drastically that its not that simple or fair anymore. I wouldn’t like to paint all men with one brush because there is an army of good guys as well. But what infuriates me to the core is when a marriage or a relationship stops being a compatible and understanding based give and take, and turns transactional, like someone is keeping track of debits and credits without factoring in anything else.
I have heard from many friends, about being rated worthy and treated according to their financial capabilities. Their ‘worth’ is determined by how much they can make, and everything that they do for the home, children, as daughters or in any other capacity is assumed a given.
I know of someone who makes his wife repeatedly list down all the ways in which she makes meaningful contributions towards the household. Really? Then he might as well hand her a collar to tie around her neck. When you take respect and dignity out of the equation, there’s nothing left in a relationship to salvage.
We all come from different backgrounds. Some of us have seen our mothers and other women folk in the house being treated like deities and some, a burden. But what unites us is the need for respect and understanding.
Last week I met two good friends who have left their jobs after a second child. Two intelligent, capable, dynamic women who left their promising careers to do what must be done, to do it well and to do it with all their hearts.
There are a million such cases all over India and many more around the world. To peg someone’s worth, working or otherwise, on a monetary scale is a myopic and cruel thing to do. Happiness is a nectar that is brewed in the hands of the women of any home. Questioning the power that is held in them, should be a punishable crime.
Image source: a still from Kahani 2
Richa is a Ted X speaker, an award-winning writer, columnist, ex-journalist and advertising professional. She has authored four books of which three are being adapted for screen. She is a blogger and travel read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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