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It’s natural for women’s bodies to change after pregnancy. Putting on weight after delivering a baby, it was impossible for Revathi to accept her changed body.
Of late I got thinking, is there anything abnormal about a woman who delivered a child few months ago not wanting to have sex? And are we women more critical about our own selves than others? Actually, do others even bother about the self importance that we create about ourselves in our fickle mind?
Revathi was always a very attractive woman. But during her pregnancy she gained a whopping 27 kgs of weight. To the world she looked cute and cuddly, but those weren’t the words she grew up hearing. Cuddly appeared as fat to her ears. Post delivery, the weight didn’t come down to what she had expected it to be. Masked by the fatigue of a new mom, she hid her pain. She became cynical thinking, “This isn’t how it is supposed to be”. She glanced at those magazines which manifested her dreams of looking like those new celebrity moms, but they just didn’t seem attainable. She had lost her spark.
Revathi was just a mom now. Rajbir understood her pain. Or at least he thought he did. After their daughter was a month old, he wanted his wife back. Not the mother of his child. Just his wife.
He wanted her to dress up, to wait for him to get back home, plan outings, be intimate and want him – just like how he wanted her.
But Revathi was in her own misery. Every time Rajbir came close, slipping his hands under her clothes, she would say, ‘not today, please!’ She convinced herself that this touch and want is out of pity. Just because she was not content with her physical appearance, she thought no one else should be either.
She was punishing herself, Rajbir and her child who deserved to be raised by the woman that she was before delivering the baby. Weeks turned into months and months into years. Rajbir stopped trying. As there was no end to her ’not today, please!’
Not that she never craved for being with Rajbir, but now she positive and strongly believed that nobody would want her. She even re-ran an episode of Rajbir with some other woman in her head, asking him how could he do it. With him replying that he too had needs. All of these were fragments of her thoughts. Bitter. Yet she sighed after the thoughts ended.
She felt guilty, yet all she had to say was, ‘not today, please!’
Image Source – Pixabay
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