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A woman speaks to her own life, giving it a face and name, calling it Zindagi, and writing it a love letter – a letter full of gratitude for whatever was hers.
It’s raining outside… Ahh! Finally such a relief from being hot and humid. I have a view of a piece of the sky from my balcony. I love to sit there with a steaming cup of hot cappuccino when no one is around. As I am enjoying the perfect brew of my favorite coffee; I think about you and my heart is filled with gratitude. So before another moment goes by; I want to say, “thank you.”
Many thanks… for my yesterdays, today, and tomorrows, for all my experiences of ups and downs; dark and dawn; greys and greens; tears and laughter; love and hate of my life.
You know what throughout my younger days, people around me blessed me with abundant love and utmost care. It really feels awesome when you have friends, family, and well-wishers to affirm your existence for you. On those days; it felt like all the people in this world were blessings for me. I felt much more serene within myself socializing and expanding out to all kinds of people around me.
Dear Zindagi, you had your own plan for me. I was reluctant but had to confront the fact that my destiny was beyond what I might think was best for me. I had no other choice but to comprehend the meaning of loneliness. I could not unfold the truth to my friends or family though. I could not even accept the agony of my life. I was creeping into a mask of, “all is well.” In the course of sustaining; I was prioritizing others’ happiness and losing my own-self bit by bit.
It was a time when unconsciously I was storing bitterness in my heart; begging for my happiness to others. I was submerging into the ocean of frustration and self-scrutiny, “What was my fault?” “What I was?” “What I have become?” Most importantly, “Why me?”
I answered myself: Yes! it’s my fault; I did not give any deep thought before dumping my career, identity, independence, friends, family and many more.
My mornings were dull and the nights were darker; I was apprehensive to confront my own reflection in the mirror. It seemed that my own reflection was laughing at me, “Don’t you think, your love and that small pinch of vermilion came at a high price?”
Gradually, I learned… I learned to accept my reflection; learned to embrace my life with a smile. I learned to acknowledge that pleasing each and everyone is not my responsibility. I learned to move forward leaving all the negativity of my life behind.
Yes! I am proud of being a responsible mom, wife, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law; but I am not a superwoman neither this term exists in real life. Sometimes it’s important to allow own self to chill; to give a second to breathe. It was then when I have decided to give time to myself and embrace what was coming into my life rather than feeling myself a victim. I assured myself again and again, “happiness lies deep inside me only.”
Suddenly I have found a timeless power within myself that I would not have been able to find otherwise. My Zindagi, you taught me to face the world with a positive attitude; to hold on the good experiences and let the bad experiences go by; to breathe the happiness in and the frustration out.
Today I am serene in myself. I love my strengths as well as my shortcomings. Today I celebrate being myself and love my own reflection in any mirror. I believe, happy starts with me. Today I love the rhythm of rain; I enjoy being imperfectly perfect.
Thank you, my Zindagi for every lesson you have decided for me.
Much love. I love you just the way you are.
Published here earlier.
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Munmun is a published Bengali author. Her debut book, Mayasm, has been published at International
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