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There is a thin line between caring for someone and possessiveness. Care nurtures, and possessiveness destroys. Be careful that you don’t mix them up!
“Hey! You should plan an outing with your friends.”
“You should not speak to him, forget about going out with him!”
The situation can be the same in above sentences – wanting to go out with friends – but the reaction speaks volumes about whether it is care or dominance. Dominance is subtly called possessiveness these days. You can possess a commodity but how do you possess a person?
When we fall into relationships, we feel it is our duty to inform the other person about our breaths and steps at every moment. Also the other person feels it is their right to control the actions of the partner.
Care is when someone values your time, but possessiveness is when someone wants to keep a track for your every second and every coordinate in the name of care.
No matter how much we deny it, each one of us needs our space for growth. You can adhere to someone’s possessiveness for a month may be (if you have a lot of patience) but it ultimately clogs you.
And the only reason that I have understood till now for this hustle bustle is trust issues.
Why would you have a problem with the simple and fair actions of someone as long as you trust them? Of course we try to mould ourselves for the person we love, but do it only if you are comfortable and can imbibe those changes in you. Because in the long run, only true personality matters.
Also I have seen cases where we feel sorry for going out with our friends, talking to our friends or attending parties. No we don’t have to be sorry for anything that we permit ourselves for. It is not your problem if anyone has trust issues. Insecurities should be dealt by facing them and not being sorry for our actions.
Also if you are on the other side of the table, expecting your partner to leave the entire world and stick only to you, please stop that. Please realize that they had a life before they met you. Please realize that it is important for us, as humans, to see the world outside.
There may be times your partners would like to go out with their friends without you and that is perfectly alright! Don’t be like a bottle trying to fill up so tight that the cap ultimately pops off.
Smart people know when to step in and when not to. Respecting yours and the other person’s freedom is the best thing you can do. There is nothing like caring and being cared for, but let’s not make it a big issue and end up being possessive. Possess the care in you but do not ever try to possess a person.
Header image is a still from the movie Tere Naam
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