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My daughter would draw only blonde people, until I had a talk with her on what makes people beautiful. Here's how I went about it.
My daughter would draw only blonde people, until I had a talk with her on what makes people beautiful. Here’s how I went about it.
My daughter Pumpkin loves to draw. I mean, she LOVES it. Here are her favorite things to do, in order of importance: drawing, dancing, drawing, talking, drawing, drawing.
Her dad got her a drawing book when her loose drawings began papering the house, depleting our supply of printer paper, and occasionally taking up space in the recycle bin (Shh! You didn’t hear it from me).
On a random flipping through of her drawing book one day while Pumpkin was in school, I noticed a few things. Her technique had improved greatly over the last year, and she was using much more detail and imagination in her work. There were birds, trees, stars and planets, castles, food items, and houses.
And that’s when I saw the people. Lots and lots of people. Families, kids, friends, neighbors, teachers, classmates.
And they were ALL blonde.
What?!
Upon seeing the first page, I didn’t think anything. After the third page full of only blonde people, I became thoroughly confused. She has friends, neighbors, and classmates from all backgrounds, so why wasn’t any of that figuring into her drawings? I wondered.
I decided to ask her after bringing her home from school, just to alleviate my confusion. After retrieving the drawing book and flipping it open to a particular page, I waited with bated breath as she explained who all of these characters were.
“This is my teacher,” she began. (Her teacher is brunette.) And she continued with the litany of identities of all the characters she had drawn, including herself, me, her dad, and Peanut. We were all blonde in the pictures too.
The first time I had seen her drawings, I was sure of what I wanted to tell Pumpkin. That there are all kinds of people, ethnicities, and cultures. That her Indian heritage was beautiful too. That her dark hair and olive skin were worth drawing too.
With her actually sitting in front of me, big wide eyes full of pride about her colorful drawings, something tugged at me. Was I ready to have The Race Conversation? For all I knew, she didn’t even notice other people were of different races.
I thought getting her an Indian doll would help her identify with her surroundings from a young age, seeing herself represented alongside blonde Barbies.
There’s nothing wrong with blonde people, of course. Or any other type of person. But why was she seeing her family this way? Why did the beautiful princesses of her imagination only come in blonde? Why was only blonde the definition of beauty?
She has a mixed assortment of Disney princess dolls, including Moana, Elena, Jasmine, and Tiana. What was I missing?
The TV happened to be on, and there was news story about a woman. Her photo was being shown on the screen, and as I wavered between decisions, Pumpkin was staring at the woman’s photo.
“She so pretty, Mama,” she sighed.
I stared at the photo before it changed to something else. The woman was indeed beautiful; ethereal is the word that comes to mind. She had blue eyes, and – you guessed it – long blonde hair.
I knew the time had come.
I switched off the TV and asked her, “Do you think that lady is pretty?”
“Yes,” replied Pumpkin innocently.
“She is,” I admitted. “But you know what else is pretty?”
Deep breath.
“Your beautiful black hair.” I waited before I went on. “Your pretty brown skin and eyes.”
She blushed and looked down. “Mama…”
“So why did you draw our family as blondes?” I finally asked.
“I don’t know,” she answered. She sounded as confused as I felt. “To make you all pretty.”
“But pretty comes in all colors,” I stressed. “If you want to draw other people with blonde hair, go for it. I don’t want to tell you what to draw. But your family isn’t blonde. We have black hair, and we are very proud of it.”
The next time I flipped through her book, I studied the most recent one.
It featured two princesses in shimmery gowns with a pink castle in the background. One had blue eyes and blonde hair. The other, brown skin and black hair.
They were holding hands and smiling.
Published here earlier.
Image source: pxhere
Jen has always enjoyed visual communications and writing ever since her school spelling bee days. She is passionate about design and the written word. When she's not blogging, playing wife, mom, international politics aficionado, read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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