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I am a film reviewer of South Indian movies, and I am not about to tolerate the nonsense I receive online in the comments, mostly from disgruntled men.
It’s been a year since I started reviewing films. I’ve been writing about cinema for several years, as part of critiquing popular culture from an academic perspective, but that’s not quite the same as writing for a general audience. You aren’t watching a film to include references for your paper but to share your experience of it. Also, it matters that more than half these films are ones that I’d have never gone for if not for my job.
As someone who reviews South Indian films in Pune, there are only a handful of persons watching the morning show of a movie on a working day. I still stand up for the national anthem though, in case this was a conspiracy engineered by someone who has been waiting to beat me up. Sometimes, I’ve been the only person in the whole theatre. Other times, I’ve mentally calculated the distance to the Exit doors and wondered if I can run fast enough if the 2-3 men sitting in the theatre decide to try something funny. Which wouldn’t be amusing at all to me.
Here’s a list of FAQs and Dafaqs that I encounter while I review films.
I refuse to apologise for thinking. Way too many of us are acting apologetic about it, which is why we are where we are. Also, why are you reading a review if that’s your take? Why not go home after watching the movie, eat thacchi mummum and go to sleep?
I am a feminist. Sit down and drink a glass of water.
What you believe is ‘neutral’ is simply the all pervasive male perspective we see in cinema. Because films are mostly produced by men, directed by men, and are stories about men. They are also made for the male consumer.
Imagine you are watching an American film (or better still, a Pakistani film), in which the hero says, “It’s difficult to control these Indians but it’s very easy to confuse them” or “Oh my god, these Indians are all like this. It’s because of them that our lives are doomed!” And imagine this happening in 9 out of 10 films you watch. I highly doubt that you’ll have ‘neutral’ reactions.
I will not make my peace with misogynistic shit.
I’m sure a lot of hard work goes into every film that releases. But if watching the film is hard work, too, there’s no reason to go soft on it only because so much hard work went into it. A fight sequence might have been shot with great risk but if it makes no sense in the film and is just there because the hero needed to fling ten men around, forgive me for not applauding.
Also, we’d have way better movies if hard work went into actually developing a story and script instead of following a template that massages the hero’s ego – oru mass entry, moonu heroine (with no characterization whatsoever), ponnungalukku advice, anju theri mass fight scene, apram 3 songs + 1 item song + 1 soup song. Nadoola konjam Amma sentiment, farmers’ issue. AND OHH, jallikattu.*
Mostly, it’s men who tell me this – without any sense of irony. You are not an authority on what women in villages or anywhere feel because you have a mother and you believe you know all about her gentle heart. I hate to break it to you, but all women are not your mother.
Also, I don’t claim to know what all women feel but I think I’m slightly more qualified to talk on the subject than you are because I’m actually a woman. And you are not.
Because I don’t see the point unless there’s something spectacular. If the film makes sense and the technical aspects have helped it get there, then yes. But if you make a crappy film with ten songs because you have a terrible script and don’t know how else to make your film over two hours long, I’m not going to write about how beautiful the framing of the scene was when the hero and heroine rolled down the snow for no reason.
If I’m reviewing a book and the characters, plot, and storytelling are downright stupid, I’m not going to write a thousand words on how the printing, binding, and choice of font were so brilliant.
What are the qualifications you need to review films? If it’s a degree or a course, I certainly do not have that. I also have not watched Korean films, Polish films, Japanese films or much of international cinema at all. I got into this job purely by a series of accidents.
But I do know that while there are enough people who write about ‘interval punch vera level’, there aren’t enough who write about cinema from the perspectives I consider important. Especially South Indian films. It may seem unnecessary to you and that’s fine. I see it as necessary and if the people who employ me think so too, I don’t see the problem. You can always stop reading if it’s annoying to you.
Published here earlier.
Image source: Screengrab from the movie Thanga Magan
*Broadly translates to a movie with a hero who makes a ‘mass entry’, 3 heroines with little role, some advice for women, some fight scenes, irrelevant songs…you get the drift.
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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