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A woman alone is considered fair game for many things in society. Not the least of which are intrusive questions by the auntijis!
So you are an independent woman, or at the least inching towards the later half of the 20s. There are many who cannot tolerate this! A woman alone, having so much freedom?! Chee, chee!
So, out come the questions!
Beta! When are you planning to get married? (As if this person has been saving all his life to give you good gifts at your wedding. We all know that one will surely be a crockery set!)
Hey! Aur kitna padhogi yaar? (As if this person has to pay tax on my education!)
OMG! Do you stay alone in Mumbai? (Why?Does Mumbai has Vampires?)
Are you going to travel alone? That far? Shadi karke pati ke saath jaati toh? (Woohoo… so you mean marriage can protect me against all nasty looks?)
Abhi tak shaadi nahi hui? Koi problem hogi. (No comments on them. This category has no right to live.)
These are some of the questions which a woman alone often hears when in the later half of our twenties. And one fine day … Phew! You marry someone. But wait, It doesn’t stop there. Now everybody has different kinds of questions and this time they get a bit more interesting (read frustrating). Especially if you and your spouse might be living apart for convenience of work.
Beta! You both stay in different towns? (Yeah but you are not invited at any of these places!)
Ohh! When do you meet then? (And by this people are just calculating how often do you have sex!)
And then meet this category of people who feel that the girl is earning not because she likes to have her independence and that she is equally qualified but because her in-laws want her to earn for them. Can’t keep track of your money? You can approach this another category who has already done the calculations of your finances and income.
Wait Wait! You definitely can’t escape these aunties who believe that if you marry someone, that makes you the female version of Bappi Lehri. “Beta! Tumhari to abhi shaadi hui hai na? Where is your chura, jewellery? Why don’t you wear some good (read gaudy) saarees?” (OMG! The Pandit didn’t tell me that I have to wear any of these permanently once I marry!)
I have written this article not just to give a you a good laugh! This happens. This will keep on happening whether you marry someone or not. Your marriage is a one day ‘Eating Chatting Blabbering Clicking and Backbiting’ event for almost everybody except you and your spouse, and maybe some close family.
Not every girl can be a band-baja bride and wear a Sabyasachhi, but yes, every girl is a princess for her parents and deserves to be the queen of someone. You can’t afford to choose the wrong person. For those who say that marriage makes you more dependent, let me tell you that it has made me feel freer. I wear the clothes I like, wake up whenever I want, pursue the career of my choice, buy my own diamonds and yes, take my own decisions. There are both good days and bad days but I have someone with whom I can be myself.
The point is, this all depends on that one decision which you take. Don’t just marry someone for the sake of saving yourself from such shitty remarks. Stay calm and wait for the right time and the right person even if it takes a good amount of time. Simple maths, ladies! One or two more years of your life that goes in deciding your life partner is NOT equal to the next forty- fifty years you are going to spend with this person.
So next time when you hear such a remark, you know what to do to that person!
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Image source: By Steve Evans from Citizen of the World (Mumbai: Young Woman) [CC BY 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons
Wanderer by nature, IITian by qualification, An HR manager by profession. Love exploring new places,
Lovely post! Its hilarious to read what you’ve listed out are the ways in which society can pressure women through words alone( and of course even more ways) to get married a.s.a.p. But I really like that you’ve gone deeper and delivered an invaluable message in this post. Yes, educated young women must use their brains and knowledge to understand that, (like you rightly pointed out) “the wedding day” is not the only ambition that must drive their decisions and plans for the future. The wedding is a one day event (that mostly others enjoy more) but the groom and the expectations of the marital role is what you (not they) have to live with for a much longer duration. Marriage can be a huge support and loving bond OR a horrible shock and millstone around one’s neck !!! It all depends on who you end up marrying (this is the so even for the groom) |Choosing a spouse is thus an enormously weighty decision, that requires our conscious consent and intelligence. We must not undermine its importance and hand over this responsibility to someone else to take (parents or matchmakers) We ourselves must take this decision of “who” we want to be with (at whatever age is appropriate to us alone) after analysing ourselves and understanding who(the type of person) we could be happy with and who would be happy with us as well!
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