Read on how to enrich your life by purpose, i.e. to find depth and, a reason to get out of bed each morning, your own Ikigai.
You are in love. How do you know that he is ‘the one’? Mr Right? Are there any signs that he is? Read this very personal account to find out.
Is love really blind? Or are there signs we read and follow at least at a subconscious level?
My husband and I are college sweethearts. There of course are no guarantees in love, but I was convinced that being together was right for us even though I was only 18. May be it was the hormones, and may be it was the baseless certainty of a teenager, but to me it felt right because I felt so comfortable with him.
In hind sight here were some signs, that at that time, I may have only subconsciously appreciated.
On our second date, this 19 year old wanted me to meet his mother. He was close to his mother and he wanted us to get to know each other right from the beginning. He wanted the relationship between his mother and me to grow at the same time as the one between him and me, so nobody felt left out.
We had been dating less than a month and I got my period. It was a little earlier than I had expected – my usually very regular periods. I noticed my pants had a fairly wet stain when I went to the bathroom before leaving college. Luckily I had a pad. But he was giving me a ride home. His dad was out of town and did not need the car that day. I was concerned about leaving a stain on the seat, and somehow I felt comfortable enough to tell him so.
Without the slightest sign of embarrassment, took out his notebook and tore out a few sheets of paper and said, you can put these on the seat if you like and never mentioned the episode again.
He wanted to introduce to me an author he was very fond of. But I had a prejudice against science fiction. Not sure why, because I really enjoy it now. So he could not convince me to give I, Robot a try.
Finally one day he read the first short story in I, Robot to me. Since then I have read every Asimov book I could get my hands on. In the Robot and Foundation series, I have read every book at least 3 times.
My best friend and he did not get along to start with but both made an effort and now we are all very comfortable with each other, and we enjoy family vacations together. When we were in a long distance relationship in the US during graduate school, sometimes we would visit India at different times. On these occasions he always made time to visit my best friend and treated her like family.
Teenagers often make a lot of grand romantic commitments to each other. When we were starting out for graduate school, I was worried about the long distance relationship. I badly wanted to believe it would work. I asked him to promise he would make it work. He said, “I really want this to work. You mean a lot to me. I promise I will do my best to make this work and I don’t mean that lightly. But that is the best I can promise.”
Not because he flattered me. Even in the wooing stages he would not say I wrote great poetry, even though I thought I did. He said it was okay, but he thought I could do a lot better. And he was right. I learned to do a lot better.
He believed in my ability to write stuff other than poetry even though I was doubtful. He has this amazing way of delivering feedback including criticisms, that help me, figure out what I can improve without feeling bitter or insecure, and believe that I can indeed improve. And when I do improve, he is liberal with the appreciation and praises.
I know there are no guarantees in love, but may be there are subtle signs.
Image source: young couple watching the sunset by Shutterstock.
First published here
Kanika G, a physicist by training and a mother of 2 girls, started writing to
Yes Kanika, I have to agree with you. Love may sound like a pure gamble but perhaps it isn’t really so. It can turn out to be an intuitive or even informed subconscious decision and sometimes the best one of one’s life. As it has been for me too. I find it ever so rare these days for people to voice contentment and satisfaction in long term relationships, so your post is indeed a relief and breath of fresh air. I too do think it possible to recognise the signs of a good companion, if one is looking consciously/subconsciously carefully enough. (as it is to recognise the not so great ones too!!!) But its equally important to first know and understand oneself. Besides, a lot of the time people look for “reel type”, filmy romance in a relationship and that is neither real nor sustainable in real life. That being said, finding meaning in a long term partnership, like marriage, is indeed a work in progress at any and all times. It requires effort, understanding, communication, thoughtfulness and often a strong will to seek a noble path in times of adversary or dissent. The warmth and contentment a fine partnership/companionship evokes is truly a blessing and gift in a person’s life and can be replaced by nothing else in this world. It is attainable and it is not a fantasy, even though most people think otherwise these days. I do think, that our media driven lives foster unrealistic expectations which only leads people to disappointment and despair on the relationship front. A good starting point for a successful long term relationship is perhaps to first have a good understanding of one’s core and one’s intended journey, the next step is to seek a companion who seems to be on the same path. Once you find that person, it is possibly about walking together with your fellow traveller through the journey.
Hello Sonia. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. Really happy to hear that you have found a fulfilling relationship too. I strongly agree with what you say and it is well articulated. Finding someone, is indeed, only the beginning and marriage is always a work in progress. It is important to not take it for granted.
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