Champions at work listen up! Nominations for Women In Corporate Awards 2022 close tomorrow. Nominate yourself today!
Love yourself first and never let anyone take you for granted. They don’t deserve you if they don’t treat you the way you treat them.
Recently I was invited by a relative for dinner. We first went to their place and then were supposed to go out together for dinner. Abruptly some guests arrived to their place. After few minutes of usual conversation, the two ladies (daughters-in-law) of the family went to the kitchen and started preparing dinner. While all the men were sitting outside discussing politics, weather conditions, demonetization and what not.
The ladies on the other hand were chopping, cooking, preparing, cleaning and arranging everything. The men, in-laws and elders, didn’t even take the pain to come inside and ask if they needed help. Children were served first, then all the elders and men. After so much of cooking and serving, the ladies hardly felt like eating anything. After cleaning when they sat to eat the left-overs, nobody served them or even asked if they wanted anything.
What happened that day disturbed me terribly. It happens almost in every second family in India. I have seen it many times before, but I think may be more sensitised to this unjustifiable behaviour towards women now as I grow older.
Why can’t we help women in the kitchen? Why can’t they wait to eat with them? Why can’t the in-laws ask them to sit together and eat? Even at the end, why can’t someone serve them hot food? How can people around them, their own family, even their husbands become so negligent towards them?
A woman can never be a guest, unless she is a mother-in-law or is at her mother’s house (as there is a daughter-in-law there to serve her). She is always expected to be in the kitchen, even if she is a guest. The same thing is never expected from a man. A woman is expected to do all the household chores like cooking, washing, cleaning even if she is coming after a hectic day from her job. She is asked to cook for everyone just because she is a daughter-in-law now. Where the hell on this earth is it engraved that on becoming a daughter-in-law she becomes a maid? She also would love to have hot tea with snacks on a rainy evening without cooking it herself. Why can’t someone else take the pain to cook at times?
Even if a man is willing to help his wife, he is interrupted by others in doing so. When my husband was helping me in the kitchen, his grandmother told him to sit as it is not a man’s work to do so. These things show the indigent mentality of Indian society.
When I speculated about why the things are the way they are, I realized that not the men, not the in-laws, not anyone in this world has the right to make you feel inferior, to take you for granted, to do any unjust to you. It is but, ‘YOU’ and yourself. You can’t change others but you can definitely make them treat you the way you want. Its high time now, we women need to change the things as they are. It’s high time this gender-biased society should change its parameters on which the women are judged and expected to serve.
I have seen women who happily do everything without complaining as they are raised and taught that it is their duty to put others before themselves, to sacrifice their wishes for their family, to work day and night to make others relaxed and enjoyable. But please stop doing it even if it doesn’t affect you. You have to stop it for the sake of other women who are fighting for equal rights and for the sake of position of women in Indian society.
Above all, you have to stop it for the sake of your own daughter. Don’t forget, she is watching you and you are her idol. Don’t teach her that she is born to sacrifice, compromise and to serve others. Don’t teach her that she is alive for others’ sake. Don’t teach her that she can’t live according to her wishes and she has to take others’ wishes above hers. Raise a confident, self-assured and self-dependent daughter. The only way you can do it is to become an example to her yourself. There are few things you need to change right now:
When you visit someone, let them host you. Don’t rush into the kitchen immediately. However, you can help them in serving. Insist the ladies to join you at dining. Ask your husband to take equal role in whatever you do. Also, be a great host when guests arrive at your place. Let those ladies be your guests as well.
Always eat together with your family at your home. When you live in a joint family, hire a helping hand or ask everyone for equal participation in cooking and serving. Stop following the trend- ‘Men first’.
It’s good to be nice to people but, you needn’t have to adjust to every situation. It’s very easy for people to play with the emotions of an adjusting person.
It’s not a crime to ask your husband to make a cup of coffee when you come from your job. It’s not particularly a woman’s job always to make tea/coffee, special dish at a special occasion. You also have a right to sit and enjoy hot snacks without cooking them yourself.
Work together with your family, divide everyone’s role or take turns. After a day of shopping or a movie don’t trouble yourself by preparing food at home. Sometimes eating outside is refreshing and you will also get quality time with your family.
When you don’t feel well, tell others immediately. You don’t have to make yourself suffer and work. You are not a slave. A family is meant to help each other when needed. Also split the daily chores among your family members. A man sitting and watching television while a woman finishing the household work is inequitable.
If you don’t take much time to forgive everything, your loved ones won’t mind every time they make a mistake, they’ll keep on hurting you and take you for granted just because you enable them to. That’s not a way to be loved and respected. Never lose your dignity.
Don’t seek approval for everything. Decide things yourself and don’t postpone decisions. When others understand your inability to take decisions they will make it for you and take you for granted.
Don’t let anyone make you feel inferior by saying anything they like. If you don’t like someone’s behaviour tell them directly and make them feel that you are a person with self-respect. Don’t over-respect others or respect others more than yourself. If you don’t respect yourself, no one is going to respect you ever. The most important thing you can do is to value yourself. Only those who undervalue themselves are undervalued by others.
Become a premium user on Women’s Web and get access to exclusive content for women, plus useful Women’s Web events and resources in your city.
Published here earlier.
Image source: flickr
I love to sing, cook, travel and read. I worked as a music teacher for more than 5 years. Now working as a blogger. My interest areas are food blogging & social issues blogging. I wish read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
In the last few days I was having a conversation with my younger sister about relationships, and she said something which hit me hard.
I have seen a lot of people feel uncomfortable sharing their age, but I have no such hesitations. I am 32 years old and my younger cousins tell me that I belong to the ‘old generation’. If you are born in the year 1990, you are still considered among them, but if a year less – 1989, you are from the old school.
Being an elder sister, my cousins come to me seeking advice about studies, career and relationships, but when I try to help in the way I understand, the only reply I get is, “Didi, leave it, you’ll not understand it. Aapki generation aur hamari generation mein bahut fark hai. (There’s a lot of difference between your and my generation).”
In the last few days I was having a conversation with my younger sister about relationships, and she said something which hit me hard. Though she is from the new generation and I am from the so-called old generation, we share a lot of mutual thoughts and interests. We spoke about love, how the generation born after the year 2000 perceives love.
You ask any SATC fan. We all wanted a friendship like the one that the 4 girls shared. A friendship that was a rock. A friendship that seemed to withstand the tests of time and in general, life.
I confess that SATC (Sex and the City) has a special place in my heart. I must have watched the 6 seasons and every single episode at that, countless times. Seriously, there was nothing like sitting back with a glass of wine, a bar of dark chocolate and an episode of SATC, after a hard day at work. It renewed me. Made me laugh.
So much so, that I even ended up going for the special SATC bus tour when I visited New York in 2019.
Now some may call the show frivolous but for me, it was pure, honest entertainment. I was in love with the fashion, the ‘fabulousness’, the fun! And it had its moments as well. Moments that were truly thought-provoking, moments that made its viewers take a good, candid look at their own relationships, particularly their female friendships.