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Many women have a deep attachment to traditions such as Karwa Chauth, one-sided though they may be. This author argues for making one's own choice.
Many women have a deep attachment to traditions such as Karwa Chauth, one-sided though they may be. This author argues for making one’s own choice.
I know the title itself is sufficient to raise many eyebrows around. Especially, when karwa chauth is coming around and someone is talking about “Why I am not a karwa- chauth fan”. But I think sometimes it’s good to read the other part of the story too.
I still remember those days at school when my friends used to discuss marriage. I was a little offended at the time by their arguments because of the norms that society has made especially for women. I was never against the concept of marriage, whether love or arranged but was not convinced with those ceremonies or rituals which have been prevailing for years without any logic.
For instance, I was never enamoured by the culture of finding a perfect match by burdening the girl’s family with the obligations of hospitality. What a proud moment it is for the prospective groom’s family who ventures out for the perfect bahu in different locations and just burdens many prospective brides and their families!
All is well planned. How a girl is supposed to bring tea and snacks for all the members with her eyes down and mouth zipped. Even though I am a seventies child, I never gave my consent to such weird rituals of showcasing a girl to another family at the so-called ‘ladle dikhao’ ritual where she would be judged by her culinary skills, figure, complexion, birth defects (if any), birth marks and lastly education (which was the least important factor).
How stupid it is that some unknown people would take command over you, to judge you and not only one time but frequently, till time you gets the perfect match. I thank God that I have always followed my heart and never fell into this category of free entertainment.
I am not an atheist. I do love Indian rituals, ceremonies, traditions. In fact, I desperately wait every time to celebrate festivals with complete enthusiasm. And I know many of our traditions hold some great facts and history behind them and it’s not just about blindly following it. India is known for its culture, traditions and values which are still ingrained in most of us and which connects all of us as a family and a society.
Being a typical North Indian living in Bengaluru, I have a lot of South Indian friends whom I love. We keep sharing our traditions and cultural differences. Last year one of my friends asked me, “What is karwa-chauth? Do you keep a fast on that day?”
Straight away I said, “NO! I don’t follow it!” She didn’t know that on this particular day a wife prays for her husband’s long life and well being. Traditionally, the wife fasts for a day without a drop of water from sunrise to moonrise and can eat only when she sees the moon and her husband.
I have seen my mother who used to keep this fast but I had never offended her by stating any opposition. After all, it was her choice to follow it.
But I don’t follow this. I know the fact that even if I don’t keep a fast for my husband, I will still pray for his well being, for my children and for myself too. I am sure that it doesn’t make a difference to my prayers if they are offered on an empty stomach or a full one. I know his life is important in the same manner as mine, the life of my children and that of other family members too.
I don’t want to make it a day’s affair to show my respect and love. He is not my Pati Parmeshwar but my better half, my partner in crime and a best friend too.
My point here is not about asking for equality, that I will do it only when men start fasting and praying for their wives. I am not against those who are following it and I don’t want to hurt their emotions since many are attached to this ritual. My only concern is, why have all these rituals been enforced on women only? Does it mean a wife’s life is not valued enough?
God forbid, if something happens to the wife, a man happily marries again; then why can’t a woman?
Why are the prayers of well-being only for the husband and not for the wife who holds the whole society together?
I know it’s an individual choice and here is mine, asking only for fairness.
P.S: This article is purely my individual opinion and not intended to hurt anyone’s sentiments.
First published here
Top image via freeimages.com
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Vidhya came home with Riya. She was surprised to see the same expectations from her that were before from having a child. Nothing had changed, and she felt that nothing would ever change.
Vidhya was just like any other normal girl who grew up reading Cinderella and Rapunzel, wishing to meet her Prince charming someday. Though not a topper, she scored well in school and college and fulfilled her parent’s dream by joining as HR in a reputed financial firm.
After she settled in her career path, her parents began their hunt to find the perfect groom and complete their responsibility in life. Finally, after seeking permission from the stars in her chart, they fixed her wedding with Rahul, who according to them, got a tick for most of their eligibility criteria. She obliged and got married to him as per their wish.
Mothers do things for you out of love, so please treat them with respect and dignity at your home, especially in front of your in laws, and ask your in laws to share responsibilities.
Motherhood isn’t just a word. It’s a world in itself…of love, labor and commitment that goes beyond a lifetime, when we don’t really have a concept of flying the nest and mothers are required to be battle ready to shoulder every responsibility at any age.
As a new mom I too had my share of struggles like every woman, and reached out to my mom for help. Sadly, since she had health issues of her own she agreed reluctantly and was uneasy throughout her stay, which disappointed me. Only later did I know that she had suffered from serious menopausal problems that made her edgy and nervous in difficult situations, and it left me with a sense of regret of not taking the effort of understanding her troubles.
While some women celebrate Karwa Chauth of their own volition, others are forced into it. In either case, is the basis of the Karwa Chauth tradition regressive?
Karwa Chauth is a festival in which married women fast from sunrise to moonrise for the safety and longevity of their husbands. They starve for the whole day so that their husbands will live a long life. I believe that it is absolutely sexist, misogynistic and regressive. I had decided since forever that I would never succumb to the so-called Indian version of Valentine’s Day which is nothing but the mirroring of a dystopian mindset and totally gender biased.
India is a country where many of us follow what our parents have been doing, unaware of the reasons why are they doing what they are doing. To me, fasting of any kind, whether it is starving for God, for oneself or for anyone else proves nothing and doesn’t make any logical sense. I don’t have the tiniest clue as to how we can relate women starving to the life expectancy of their husbands. Is there some super secret science that I’m unaware of?
For a man, it’s always a choice, NOT a compulsion. Have we heard of any ritual or custom asking only a man to fast for his wife or family?
Today, I am going to tread into an ‘unpopular opinion’ territory. So, read with caution and without any judgement please.
Recently, we just celebrated a festival, exclusively for married women – called Sabitri Brata in my home state and Vat Savitri at my in-laws. The essence is the same for both – it is based on the popular folklore of Savitri and Satyavan. Basically, the wife keeps a fast for the husband’s longer life on this day.