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Changing my married name as a South Indian bride is fraught with many complications - as this comedy of errors shows!
Changing my married name as a South Indian bride is fraught with many complications – as this comedy of errors shows!
“You didn’t change your name ?” “No I didn’t because… ” I have answered it so many times now in the last few months.
No I am not offended by the question since it is a norm for centuries and so people are curious when someone decides not to change their name. And then comes the second question.
“What would your name be if you had decided to change?” “Ermm..” …the conversation continues for 30 more minutes as I explain the various aspects of a South-Indian name.
So this post is to explain the answer for the above question.
Being a South Indian in the United States (I felt) that this name change has a lot of layers to it and gets complicated.
Here is why:
My last name is my dad’s first name. I don’t have a family name like Smith or Reddy or Shah. So if I do have to change my name, my new last name would be my husband’s first name.
In my husband’s case, his last name is his dad’s first name. So even if I change my name, we both have different last names anyway.
I am JV and the husband is RG
If I change I will be JR and he remains RG
Say I do want to change and do justice to my maiden name, I can be hyphenated with three first names
My first name, my dad’s first name- my husband’s first name: J V-R
And say the husband wants to be fair and take my last name and hyphenate it :
His first name, my dad’s first name-his dad’s first name: R V-G
Or say I take his last name so that we both have the same names I am either
My first name, my dad- his dad: J V-G
My first name, his dad – my dad: J G-V
And yet we have no last name!
Being in a country where you are mostly referred to by your last name, being married just confuses people more. Especially if I am assumed to have gone through the norm.
Since I am really not against (would have preferred) having the same last name I did think through it. If we did want the same last names, we could have
Since neither were ready to give up the names we grew up with (and since it was too complicated), we decided to make no changes to our names!
P.S. I did (kind of) bug R about the fact that nobody would ask/asked him about his name while I faced this question almost every other day.
What are you thoughts on name changes after marriage? Do you have an experience to share? Did you/did you not change your name? Please do share your stories here with me!
Published here earlier.
Image source: youtube
A free thinker, equalist who has never feared to voice out opinions. I believe that everyone deserves the same kind of respect irrespective of gender, identity, background, social or economic. And we need to evolve read more...
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Does Ranbir Kapoor expressing his preferences about Alia using lipstick really make him a toxic husband?
Sometime back, a video of Alia Bhatt with Vogue went viral where she shares her go-to make-up routine and her unique way to apply lipstick. It went viral not for the quirkiness but because she said that after applying the lipstick, she “rubs it off” because her then boyfriend and now husband – Ranbir Kapoor likes her natural lip colour and asks her to “wipe it off”, whenever they are out on a date night.
Netizens had gone crazy over this video, calling RK toxic and not respecting AB’s choice to wear makeup. I saw the video a couple of times to understand the reason behind the uproar but I failed to understand it. I read many comments and saw people saying that asking your partner or dictating terms on how they should wear makeup is a major sign to leave the person.
Modesty or humility is viewed as the hallmark of a well-brought-up girl, which makes it hard for us to be open to any real compliments without feeling like an imposter.
Why is accepting that compliment so hard?
Colleagues: Have you lost weight? You look good!
She (who has spent months doing Keto and weights): It’s the dress that’s making me look thinner!
Guests: Your house is so beautiful and neat!
She (who spent the last five hours mopping and polishing): It could be tidier; there is just so much dust.
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