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Found and committed to the person you want to hitch up with? Here are 5 discussions you must have after the engagement, if not before.
Whether you have known each other for years or only a few months, you will be surprised at the number of people who really don’t know some basic things about their significant other. For starters things like their blood group or designation at work.
So I came up with five things which (I think) you should talk about when you get committed/engaged with each other.
Know the other person’s height, weight, blood group and any health issues, drug allergies, the person might have. This will prepare you for any emergencies. Like it or not the two of you are going to play a major role as caretakers of each other and if you have never been used to that role then this conversation will be a good way to know the expectations of the other person when one is sick.
Also, knowing prior about how the occasional migraines make the person crabby or how her cramps are going to make her snarl at you might go a long way (at least initially) in a relationship.
An important aspect of a marriage is building a relationship with the family. So get to know about them. Start from stories about their childhood. This will give you a better picture about all the characters in the story. Have an open mind when you have this talk and (try) to stay away from being judgmental.
Remember details, that t-shirt he loved as a kid or that song that she loves to hum. And of course you can extend it to that color your sister-in-law loves or that occasional drink your father-in-law might enjoy!
In addition to the good memories you will also get to know about the not-so-good ones which you might want to stay clear of.
A definite big change after you get married is financial planning for the rest of your life. So if you already have not, then definitely talk about finances after your engagement. How much each of you earn, what are your joint financial goals, what are your individual goals. What if one of you wants to spend the next 5 years spending all your savings in travel while the other has an expectation that a significant contribution will be made towards a down payment for a house?
Things do not always happen as planned but it is good to have a plan anyways right? So decide about how you want to handle money after the wedding. My advice would be to have a personal savings account in addition to joint finances irrespective of both people having a job or not.
If you are going to be a stay-at-home spouse/moving to a different country, make sure you have your own finances set up and that it is worked out prior to your move.
‘A person is known by the company he keeps’ goes the saying. Maybe, maybe not, but the chances of you seeing a different side when the other is with their friends is high. Especially if you are a couple who haven’t known each other for long. The friends will be another source for you to get some interesting tidbits about the person you are going to marry.
That first crush she had in sixth grade or that embarrassing moment he had in high school. Certain traits and passions of a person is only known to friends. So this will give you an opportunity to even bond and understand your spouse.
The closest friends are the people who you are probably going to see a lot in the years to come after family. In many cases the families of these group of friends tend to grow old together. So make a effort to lay the foundation for this relationship.
Maybe this post is starting to sound like a job interview but talk about 5 year and 10 year personal goals. An acquaintance of mine was surprised when he came to know that his fiance had plans to study in a different country in a year after the wedding. Having known each other for only a short period of time that never came up in any conversation. She never thought of it to be something to be discussed and he found it to be something very important that should have been discussed leading to some minor tensions.
So yes have a mock interview session. Leave emotions out of it and talk rationally about what you have planned for yourself in life. Where do you want to be in five years and what do you need from the other for it. This includes work, kids (or lack of), travel, fitness, hobbies, wellness …anything! Support each other with it, whether it is something small as having a blog or as big as being an entrepreneur.
Image source: after the engagement by Shutterstock.
A free thinker, equalist who has never feared to voice out opinions. I believe that everyone deserves the same kind of respect irrespective of gender, identity, background, social or economic. And we need to evolve read more...
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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