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Is following the traditional social rules the only way to a happy life? A modern Indian woman does not need to.
As civilisations evolved and societies came into being, there were various norms that were set in place for human beings to flourish. One of these custom was for young men and women to marry and produce children. As per historical data, individuals chose to follow this rule to ensure that human civilisation would grow.
But over the time, the necessity for the same has disappeared. Yet I have seen time and again how our society feels that marriage and kids is the best and only option for all individuals across class, caste, creed and orientation. It is somehow believed to be the solution of all problems.
I have many friends well in their 30s who have successful careers, loving families, great friends, interesting hobbies and overall a happy life. They do not feel the need for a partner and would not like to make the huge shift in their lifestyle to fit marriage in it. They do not care about the hushed whispers behind their backs or the barbed comments about their suitability as a desired bahu. They are contented and busy fulfilling the promises they have made to themselves.
There is yet another set of young couples who are busy climbing the corporate ladders. These are the ambitious men and women who are working hard to achieve professional success. Yet again, they are not ready to make a huge transition in their lives to accommodate children. They have willingly taken the decision to be childless for their own reason.
I think it’s great that men and women are taking decisions to move ahead in their lives by not following any set rules and regulations. I also thought that those who condemn this independent streak would be old fashioned people.
However I was in for a rude shock. I was a part of a big multinational firm at one point of time. One day around the coffee machine, I overheard a senior executive discussing the prospects of a candidate who had come in for an interview. He was impressed with her skills and experience yet reluctant to take her. His reason was that she was in her thirties and may very soon want to take a long leave for marriage.
Unable to contain myself, I butted in and asked if he had questioned her on that aspect. His response was that the candidate claimed not to be interested in marriage but how is that possible? Of course she will get married. I was flabbergasted at this illogical reasoning. The candidate had clearly said she was not interested in marriage! Luckily he was overruled by his saner boss and the girl got the job.
Another friend who has opted to not have kids is constantly questioned by her overzealous and gossipy colleagues about when she plans to give them the good news. It never bothered her till her lady boss decided to call her in for a heart to heart. She proceeded to tell her how she knew a fertility expert who could help her. My friend was aghast. She tried explaining that she did not want to have a kid, which her boss mistook as embarrassment to admit her situation and insisted on giving her the expert’s card.
Why is it that we feel that each and every individual must adhere to conventional way of living and follow a standard set of rules? Why is any deviation from the traditional frowned upon and thought of as wrong?
I feel that it’s much better to stay single than to end up marrying the wrong person and hence spoiling your own as well as someone else’s life. Similarly it makes no sense to have kids only because it is expected of you and then not give him or her the unconditional love they deserve.
I think it’s time we learned to accept and appreciate that there are alternative ways of living life and there are no set rules for happiness.
Image source: modern Indian woman by Shutterstock.
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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