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How do you know when you have had enough of any relationship and that it’s time to let go and move on? Here are 5 signs.
It was an autumn night I was back from a trip. I was restless. Something did not feel right. It was not feeling right for some time, but maybe I was not listening to myself. That night, I talked to my friend. I told him that it was not feeling right with some people.
I was not happy anymore, but the guilt and fear of leaving the known, was keeping me in the same place. That was a long night but I was crystal clear, that not everyone will make it to the finishing line. It can be a relationship, job or may be a place you are in.
There are always tell-tale sign that may be its time, the journey is over. Here are 5 such signs.
It’s not that you always have to feel ecstatic when you are with someone. There will be tough times. But if the general feeling is that of unhappiness, resentment and especially if you feel drained, may be its time to call it a day.
You know, that feeling, that you are there as a part of an everyday act. You feel drained, angry and depleted each time. And you start resenting. I remember the time, when I resented each time, I walked into a certain workplace I was in. It drained me from within. It hit my nerve just to sit and switch on my desktop. I am glad that I quit. And, that, I have seen in few relationships too. It’s very important to listen to that feeling. It has always something very important to tell you.
You constantly feel, you are giving more. And each time, what you receive is decreasing. Any form of relationship works on the principle of giving and receiving; only then it grows. If you are exhausted and each time, what you receive is becoming minimal, may be its time to let go.
I had times when every phone call from a friend would exhaust me. I remember how each time she would talk about all that is wrong in her life, for hours, even during my work hours. I agree, I was also accommodating. I had a problem saying no. That is something I am still struggling with. But I do remember my irritation, my resentment that started growing over the past few months. But that, I kept ignoring, until one day, I burst out.
Though she was a friend and I tried, I was tired of giving, of being exhausted all the time. I also felt (still struggling with this feeling) that I am a bad person, for leaving a friend, but for the first time in life I decided to choose myself. It’s taking my own power back.
This is a sure sign that you are at the wrong place. If people expect you to be someone you are not and do not accept you as you grow in your power, you really need to decide if you want to be in a place where your growth is stunted.
No matter which story you tell yourself, for staying where you are unhappy, you know, deep down that you are scared of moving out of the known. And most of the time, we do not have enough self worth to believe that we deserve better. And when we believe that, we create self fulfilling prophecies that keep us exactly, where we were.
We stay because we fear. We stay because we don’t know what next. We stay because we do not know the art of putting ourselves first. There is no other reason. And yes! There were times I was with some people who would not even recognize my existence just to prove that, I am ‘good enough’ to be in their company. The company, that never even existed.
This is surely a red flag. When people undermine you, they are not friends. Period. They keep you in a place that is in their comfort zone. If someone is friends with you because they feel better showing their wealth to you, hell no, they are not friends. If someone is there because they have to dump their toxic dumps on you, they are not friends. Relationships thrive when it is between equals, when both the partners give and take. Otherwise, one partner will end up in resentment. And that feels like gulping acid.
We know exactly when we are not valued, when our voices are crumpled and our opinions not heard. We always know, when we are there for the other person’s benefit, but we still hang on, because we are too scared to move on. Trust me, it’s the exact time to let go and move on.
Life taught me, you only get what you have the courage to ask for. We often put ourselves last. We tell ourselves, who am I so great to deserve what I really want? I ask back, who you are not to deserve all that is wonderful. This had taken me years to understand and I am still a work in progress.
I still have that little voice telling me that I am a bad girl, when I say a No. I do have moment when I wonder, am I doing the right thing? But staying where I used to, gives me a heavy heart, the claustrophobia sets in, the resentments take over. But when I say that I have moved on, my heart feels light, my body feels relaxed, my writings becomes sharper, I sleep better and I stay happier and laugh more. That is enough to know, I am on the right side of the Universe.
Have I got this thing of letting go, all sorted? The answer is NO. I am so used to accommodate everyone, be there for everyone, which is so self defeating in itself. It’s not easy to break old patterns, but I have promised myself, that from now onwards, I will not take anything that makes me lesser or feel small. I will not act small to accommodate anyone. From now, I will take complete responsibility for all that I am. And to the people, whom I left behind or who left me, “I am grateful, we met, I learnt about myself.”
“Thank you, for the journey, but the journey ends here.”
And saying that I march to my beautiful destiny!
Cover image via Shutterstock
Proud Indian. Senior Writer at Women's Web. Columnist. Book Reviewer. Street Theatre - Aatish. Dreamer.
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