Marriage means togetherness, but does it mean that a couple should do everything together? Why couples should have exclusive worlds even after marriage, here’s a take. I was talking to a friend the other day about my exercise regimen. I was telling her that I prefer walking than going to the gym and that I […]
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Marriage means togetherness, but does it mean that a couple should do everything together? Why couples should have exclusive worlds even after marriage, here’s a take.
I was talking to a friend the other day about my exercise regimen. I was telling her that I prefer walking than going to the gym and that I walk every evening for 20 minutes. My friend then asked, “So you walk every evening with your husband?” This question made me think as I didn’t realize why my friend was amazed to know that I walk every evening all alone, without my husband or a friend.
The question brought back a lot of examples and times in my life when I have done things which did not involve my husband’s company. I think it is necessary for every couple to have their own exclusive world, away from the spouse. It is crucial that we have our own exclusive happy world, a different identity than being your husband’s wife, a separate basket of individual activities and a distinct time spent on self.
Gone are the days when pati (husband) was parmeshwar (God)! Today, pati is a soulmate, an equal. So to make a marriage happy and not let it be covered with the cobwebs of the mundane, we need to take out the broom of our individual worlds to clean up the spread of the cobwebs.
My husband and I have known each other since 8 years before our marriage, 3.5 years of marriage and we are still not bored of each other or get on each other’s nerves. The reason is simple – we have our own individual worlds where we are just ourselves and at the end of the day we still walk together with each other.
Here are reasons why having individual space is so important in marriages.
When your world does not revolve around just one person, there is a high chance that you will not feel victimized in a relationship. You will not feel always that you are doing so much in the relationship, you are the one who makes it a point to adjust for your spouse’s preference or that you always alter your programs to fit in your spouse’s schedule. When 2 individuals design their day to have the ‘me’ time as well as ‘together’ time, the relationships blossom and there is a sense of freeness in the marriage. You won’t feel caged in the relationship, you won’t feel victimized in the relationship.
Having individual schedules gives an air of independence. It does not matter if you are a working woman, a SAHM, a home maker or a part time worker. Being independent goes a long way in life. You do not panic when you come to know that your spouse is going on a business trip for a month and that you have to manage the household alone. You do not start sweating on how will you spend your free time when your spouse is not around for such a long time. Instead, you build that confidence of handling situations without the perennial support from the spouse.
Me time is quintessential and it helps in de-stressing our lives. Sometimes, it gets a little strained with your spouse and you need some lone time or me time to revive things. Think if you don’t have anywhere to go in such a situation? Wouldn’t it be scary? If you have been revolving your life around your spouse alone, getting an outlet in such a situation becomes arduous. Instead, imagine a day you spend with your exclusive friends, just relaxing or hitting the spa – clearing up your head and then coming home to sort out things with the spouse.
When you have individual activities, you as a person gain a lot of exclusive experiences which will not be shared by your partner. And think about the hearty dinner you guys will share, spilling the stories of the day to each other and learning from each other’s experiences. Will not the food taste better and the bonds get stronger?
Having a separate world is important to keep the relationship fresh and rejuvenated. At the end of the day, what matters is how you have been yourself without letting marriage change your world completely upside down.
Indian couple image via Shutterstock
Hi! I am a certified holistic life coach from the University of Wellness, West Virginia.
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