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What is it like for a single woman in India on Tinder, looking for something more than a ‘hook-up’? Revealing the men you meet on dating apps.
What is it like to be on Tinder (or any other dating app) in India? It is almost like navigating a busy street. One could bump into just about anyone and anything.
It could well be a friend’s husband. Since there is no question of spotting a wedding band on an app one resorts to asking directly ‘Are you married?’ and pop comes a reply ‘Yes, is that a problem?’. Hell yeah! You are on a dating platform. The reply then is ‘Why is it such a big deal? I am not looking for sex, I am just here to make friends, share a few laughs’. Well, try explaining that to your wife.
I understand married people looking to have interesting conversations, maybe also with a person from the opposite sex, but hey, there are social gatherings for that, even forums and communities on the digital platform. Leave Tinder for us singles.
I am successful, (read busy) and I have some very important people in my life like my mom, my child and my ex wife. So when I have some time to spare after the two things I am most committed to i.e. my work and my family, I will split it between my friends and the woman I’d like to date.
On paper these are eligible gentlemen well travelled, well read, intelligent, suave, with as social status they are proud of, charming etc. However, if you are looking at truly dating someone, spare yourself the grief – stay away from these urbane lads.
Typical conversation starters for these men are, “You look hot in the picture in a red dress” or “What are you doing tonight?…lol” or “You have sexy legs” and yes, sometimes they have the audacity to type “I have a huge… lol.”
Makes you wonder; Who falls for these lines? Do they really think women like being called ‘hot’? But then these lines must be working for them? Can this be termed as harassment? And lastly I wonder, if paid sex were legal, would dating apps be a little less polluted by these pests?
There are these typical ‘dudes’ on all dating platforms. They will put up 20 pictures which will include a few shots of them indulging in adventure sports, a few where they are posing next to good looking ladies from other countries, a few in different looks – full beard, goatee, clean shaven, with sunglasses, in a suit, in Indian clothes etc.
Harmless as they are, they are extremely self-absorbed. They are the male attention seekers. They believe they need to be worshipped for their coolness while all they are really doing is displaying their insecurity and lack of self worth.
You chat, you meet, you enjoy each other’s company but somewhere in the conversation you also realize there will be no second date. It could be chemistry, it could be ideological differences, it could be because both want different things in the long run or it could be something else.
But these are men you will part from that day with a smile on your face and a promise to keep in touch, maybe even set them up with a friend.
Now this is a category of men that makes the whole effort of navigating through the many buffoons worth it.
He will wait for you to share your number. He will ask if you are free to chat and not assume that you are available. He will let you know if he is busy and will connect with you at the time he says he will. He will ask you out for a coffee and not a drink. He will hesitate before accepting an invitation to come over. He will be genuinely interested in finding out more about you. He will be honest about his past. He will let you know of his intentions with regards to lasting relationships.
He will understand and accept when you say, “I may not be able to say what I am looking for on Tinder but I know I am not looking for ‘hook-ups’”.
That is the kind of man worth dating. I found mine on Tinder.
Woman on the phone image via Shutterstock
The power of stories to inspire change made me turn into a storyteller. I write
Nice article Aaaradhe and glad you found the kind “worth dating” on Tinder. Working on my Start Up, I interacted with multitude of Indian single women on their biggest issue with online dating and most of the time it’s been your point #1 – married men looking for “interesting conversations”.
Hope your startup turns out to be the game changer Sophia 🙂 :). Luck!
Rightly said. I totally agree with point #1, which is honestly very sickening !! Well written, Aaradhee.
Thank you Sara
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