Talking To Little Children About Big Things

Posted: July 31, 2015

Talking to little children honestly about life and what they can expect, is more than just teaching them how to be physically safe.

Life. Here are a few things I wish someone had told me when I was young and things I promise to tell my child as part of the big talk.

Like beauty, today safety too is skin deep. We talk so much about sex education and child safety; notice how it is mostly physical safety we are talking about?

I want to equip my child with safety gear and weapons for the emotional battles in life. When do we have the big talk with little children? No one knows better than me when my child is ready.

Everyone has their own ‘normal’

Every person on earth has a worldview, my child; it comes from the things they have seen, the situations they have been in and the life they have lived. So if marrying early and starting a family is normal, it sure as hell IS. It may not be your normal but it still is normal. Do it if it is your ‘normal’. When someone says “Hey, but that’s normal” i.e. it is a done thing from their point of view, do not forget to ask yourself, “Is this MY normal?” If so, do it my love.

‘Life is about walking the road less travelled’ was the ‘normal’ for M. Scott. I know today that both conformists and rebels have their own struggles.

Growing up, mom was a rebel herself; that’s because she did not ask herself, “Is that MY normal?” Sometimes, people rebel against things they believe in too and that’s when it is a waste of energy.

2. There will always be a better; it does not mean you wait for it

The human race is increasingly becoming greedy. We will always want more. I am not talking about how I always want one more hug from you, but about how you will always meet a better person, you will always get a better job and you will always find a better way to spend your evening. Don’t wait for it please. If there is no harm in doing the first thing that comes to your mind, do it.

I don’t want you to miss out on some beautiful experiences. If something better is meant to be, it will come to you.

3. The term ‘career’ is part of your life NOT a part of your being

The quote, “Work is a means to an end. Not the end itself” is truer than possible. Work is a means to making the money that will let you do the things you are meant to do in life. Work is not about the corner cabin. Find your purpose in life. If that pays, you are luckier than most people.

All of us elders subconsciously know, that we work so we can make money, but we often forget what we make that money for. We earn not just to pay our bills and/or to accumulate wealth.

I did too. At some point in my professional life, I started longing for the corner cabin and I could have earned it but I realized that spending time with dad, granddad, grandmom, you, my friends and meeting new people was more important.

As someone has rightly said, “The day you die the wealth in your bank is the extra work you have done.”

4. Tolerance and patience are very important virtues

I will sometimes not behave the way you expect me to. It is when I want you to remember two things; my experiences dictate my normal and both of us could be right, so be tolerant with me at that moment and secondly, be patient with our relationship.

Tolerance and patience strengthen relationships. Strong relationships make life beautiful.

5. The thing about honesty

Well, it is a fantastic way to live. I was taught by granddad to always be honest. But you know darling, I learnt it the hard way and I don’t want you to. So remember to practice discretion. Not everyone knows how to face honesty. Not everyone knows how to not take advantage. Not every one can resist judging/misjudging you for your boldness. Not everyone knows how to not envy the way you live life.

Besides, not talking is not the same as being dishonest. Just step away from a conversation you don’t wish to have because you know your honesty will be misinterpreted.

6. Books and music are your school and your therapy

I or for that matter, no one, will be able to teach you more than books can and nothing can be more soothing than an hour of music. Make time for books, music and long baths.

7. If something feels right, it is and if something feels wrong, it is

Remember: your subconscious and the energies around you, at the time you have to make a decision know better than you do. Feel the energies around you before making a decision. If they aren’t telling you anything, give it a little time. It will come to you.

At one point the energies around me told me not to miss my best friend’s wedding even if it meant I had to borrow money to buy the flight tickets. But then I let logic dictate my decision. Maxing credit card limits or borrowing money was not such a bad decision. I knew it then. I know it now.

8. Everyone is important and have a reason to be who they are, including you

Even those that commit crime. Sometimes we come across people who we believe may not be good human beings. Do trust the energies to tell you that, but also remember they are here for a reason. Don’t talk about what they do wrong, don’t complain and don’t expect them to change. Do what is in your power to help them.

And just like everyone else, you are important too. Complaining to you about yourself is not only silly but also counter productive. Help yourself.

9. When life throws you off, ask yourself why?

Learn that lesson and the superpower will make sure you are never in that situation again. If you fail to ask yourself why and learn that lesson, you will find yourself in that situation over and over again till you learn the lesson you are meant to learn from it, says the book, Many Lives Many Masters by Brian Weiss as well as the Gita.

Some of us get into dysfunctional relationships time and again. And some may have had just one dysfunctional relationship. It is because they asked themselves why and acknowledged the lesson they had to learn from it.

10. There is a reason the institution of family exists

You are born out of that institution. So are most people, even if not they do have families any more. You will always have friends to fall back on but remember, you also have your family to fall back on.

It is never about either/or.

11. Getting out of your ‘comfort zones’ is not such a big deal

“Get out of your comfort zone” is a term often used today. Mom feels comfortable in her home, her work, her choice of food, in her choice of clothes. Unless these choices are harming me in anyway, I refuse to agree with the above statement.

Being content is better than being anxious.

12. Watch your posture at all times. Tummy in, spine erect.

It works for your physical and psychological health. I wish someone had told me that so at 34, I wouldn’t have had to watch my body all the time and still sometimes wonder if I will ever be able to correct my posture.

13. May you still feel small when you stand besides the ocean.

This is a line from a beautiful song called ‘I hope you dance’ by Lee Ann Womack to her children. We are but one tiny speck in this universe. Maybe there are other universes we do not even know about. Mayflies live for 24 hours, house flies for 3 weeks, rabbits for 5 years and humans for 70-80 years. Sometimes we take ourselves too seriously. Our problems are too small in the larger scheme of things.

You may be angry with dad today but your anger will subside, you will have beautiful times with him, you will miss him when he is gone.

14. Death is never the answer

Never. It may seem like it sometimes, but remember it is not.

And sometimes my love, I may not follow all this advice myself. I may get impatient, I may slouch, I may forget to ask ‘why’ and I may also sometimes forget to listen to the energies around me. And that my child, is the time you can help me remember these words.

I did not tell you all of this only so you can help yourself. I said it so you can help yourself and others around you too, including me.

Little boy image via Shutterstock

The power of stories to inspire change made me turn into a storyteller. I write

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  1. Pingback: Sudha Samyukta: An open letter – what will happen next? | Speak Now.

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