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Marriage is an important event in our lives. Here are 3 tips on how to maintain individuality after marriage. This is important. We need our true selves.
As a firm believer in the institution of marriage, I have never really understood the logic behind some of my friends’ idea of a married life as similar to being locked somewhere and left without the key. Well, to say the least, I have always made it a point to find the right person though the idea of the right person is elusive too. For me, a husband should be a best friend, a strong support system and most importantly, one who treats me as an independent individual with choices and a lifestyle of my own. This individuality factor had always been a crucial fact of life for me so much so that I often remind myself of being my own self even though I usually am, irrespective of situations.
It’s now three months since I am married to a person I was sure of during the courtship period itself. I am the daughter-in-law of a family that has embraced me in a way that is much beyond a girl could expect. However, I still believe that maintaining individuality is a challenge for all married women, post marriage. The reasons are many. Firstly, every family and household has a set of rules or perhaps way of doing things would be an appropriate term. Also, the sudden role change from being a carefree daughter to a supposed-to-be responsible daughter-in-law brings intrinsic consciousness in a lady who is even slightly bothered about doing justice to the new role.
While I, being a contemporary working woman with a man and a family who treats me equal, have to struggle less in maintaining my individuality, there are many who might end up losing out on who they are and keep adapting to ways that are forced upon them.
From my little experience, here are few tips for all the married women out there to uphold and cherish their individual self.
Understand that every statement about your dressing style, food habit or way of life, is neither a criticism nor a negative remark. Take them as suggestions for you can never deny that a person who really cares for you is bound to give you some advice, which is right according to them and unjustified for you. Remember our mothers, pestering us on a lot of things? So, basically, we need to draw a fine line between care and the desire of the other person to force things upon you. The best way is to keep your mind free of pre-conceived ideas and assumptions and listen to what others have to say. It is always up to you to follow them or not.
There will be many instances when you will feel the need to oppose the other person and put your point across to avoid being burdened by others’ choices. And believe me, the good news is any sensible person, regardless of whether she is your mother-in-law, a distant relative or even your husband, will understand and value your logic.
Remember, how you say it is often more important than what you say and that’s the catchword here. Unless the situation really demands you to be aggressively vocal, keep your calm and be polite always. Once you master the skill, you will realize that no one can really shake you off from what you think, feel and do. The added benefit is that there will always be positivity around, which is so essential for a healthy family life.
One last word. I know that all of us are aware of the importance of keeping ourselves busy in some kind of productive work that we like, Indian women usually fail to do so after marriage. Just the other day, one of my friend’s wife, who is also a dear friend, confessed to me that she should have started working before marriage instead of looking for a job post marriage. The reason she gave was that she would then have spent a major part of the day outside home and probably come back home with her husband, which might have been better than having to stay with the in-laws after the husband went to office. The way she put it was perhaps wrong, what she meant was probably the lack of involvement in other activities apart from the household ones that bothered her and made her regret.
It is not a job but a passion, an interest, an activity of your own that shapes you as an individual and there is no better way of maintaining individuality than doing something exclusive for you and being happy in the process.
Image of a happy husband and wife via Shutterstock
A communication professional, I Iove to stay positive, cheerful and experience life in all its essence. A strong believer in gender equality and women's rights. read more...
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For International Day of Elimination of Violence Against Women, let's look at how we 'accept' mothers who avenge violence against their kids, but not wives who fight back.
The silver screen is replete with depictions of male rage and men engaging in violence, but when women engage in violence, even when it is reactionary violence, it doesn’t sit right with us. We allow mothers (as portrayed in Sridevi’s Mom and Raveena Tandon’s Maatr) to avenge their daughters and resort to violence when all else fails, but when the abuser is an intimate partner, the rules appear to be different.
Depictions of female rage on screen garner mixed reactions. We root for protagonists and films we agree with like Mom or Maatr, but there are also films like Darlings which drew flak for its depictions of reactionary violence.
This begs the question, which women on screen are allowed to fight back and why do we root for some of these characters while refusing to see where others come from?
This Generation To Generation Violence towards A Daughter-in-law Needs To Stop!
It is ironic how women in the same home do not think twice before harassing a woman who left her parents and family behind to live with her husband.
“My daughter needs a husband who listens to her. He should leave his family to stay with her after marriage. He should be well-off and not let her do chores.”
“I also need an obedient daughter-in-law, who will be an unpaid servant and a punching bag who shouldn’t have a life of her own.”
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