Over the years, your support has made Women’s Web the leading resource for women in India. Now, it is our turn to ask, how can we make this even more useful for you? Please take our short 5 minute questionnaire – your feedback is important to us!
We all make mistakes. We all miss a moment of courage. But how many of us revisit the moment and talk about it?
There were many things I wanted to share with this new family of mine. There were many confessions to make. In the last few months, I thought a lot about converting them into short pieces of fiction with all the names changed and references hidden in the plot. But I realised that it will never serve my purpose of getting relieved from the burden of wrongs I have done, until they are confessed in first person. Among the many confessions I have to make, this is the most important one.
I have a very beautiful family. My husband works with a multinational company and I take care of our two sons. Our relatives and friends see us as a happily married couple and I don’t think there is any doubt about it also. I love my husband like all the women, around me, who love their men and I have never held back anything, when it came to sharing and caring.
Ours was an arranged marriage and I had no issues about the marriage being arranged by my parents. But there were those unfortunate things, which were done as an inevitable part of an arranged marriage. He and his family, and even my family might have forgotten all of that but these are the things, which have always been in my mental backstage, though they never affected my on-stage performance.
So, the story begins like this. Our parents decided an exchange of five lakh rupees in our marriage along with the total dowry and a certain amount of gold. It was a mutual decision to an extent. My husband and I were very much aware of the facts, but we were not in the state of mind to have done something about this matter. We were not supposed to say anything. So, the marriage took place exactly as per the set rules and rituals. I went to my husband’s house with all dowry and five lakh rupees.
It’s been nine years since that event, but I have to confess that the guilt of that sin never went off my mind even for a single day. I always feel that I could have done something about it. I always feel that even my husband could have done something about it. And you know what, I would have loved him and his family all the more had they not taken all that. I would have loved my own family had they not given all that. I would have loved my husband a million times more, had he taken a simple step against all that and above all, I would have felt far better about myself had it not happened. When this happened, it killed something within me. And it still kills me.
The pain caused from the failure to do our bit can never let us live our life at fullest. That bit, which was left undone by me is here in front of you as my confession. I am guilty of not doing what I thought was right. I am guilty of not believing in my thoughts. I am guilty of keeping mum. I am guilty of not standing up for myself.
And I am very sure of this fact today that if you don’t stand up for yourself, you stand nowhere.
Image of a sad lady via Shutterstock
Guest Bloggers are those who want to share their ideas/experiences, but do not have a profile here. Write to us at [email protected] if you have a special situation (for e.g. want read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
I was so engrossed in looking after my daughter, being both a mom and dad for her, that I myself no longer existed...
Being a single mother, my world revolves around my daughter.
Whatever people may say, the bond that exists between us is very different from a regular mother-daughter relationship. Navya, my daughter is the reason I am alive today.
This statement may sound cliched, but that is the biggest truth of my life. She is the reason I stopped myself from jumping off a local train years ago. The fact that she was growing inside me, that tiny speck of tissue in my uterus, had the strength to twine around my legs and hold me inside the train.
Once you reach 45, it's time to let go of expectations of how life should be. Give in to your own desires and live for yourself!
Aha! So you are past 45 years of age. Ahem….. And in an introspective world. Did you live right all way so far? Is this the life you wanted?
Are you successful? Has life treated you well? Was it worth so far? Is life slipping by? And biggest of all… Do I really look like over 45 years?
If you have these questions surfacing , simply wedge them out. Whether one wants to or not, we all reach time-bound levels in the game of life. But once you reach the level past 45, the game changes.