Letter To My Beloved Daughter (Part 4)

Posted: February 16, 2015

This beautiful series of letters from a mother to a daughter shares wonderful life lessons about love, healing and learning along the journey of life. 

Editor’s Note: Paromita has been writing an uber-popular series called Letter To My Beloved Daughter. You will find Nos 1, 2 and 3 at these links.

Dear Beta,




My love, I just spoke to your grand maa, walking in the porch. You know what I have been realizing of late? Our mothers are the first door to womanhood – the ones who teach us to be a women. No matter where we go and what we do, we will always carry big traces of our mothers in us. The bravest daughters I have seen have come from brave women.

I was born from the womb of my mother once, but whenever I have died, I have been re-born again and again from the strength of her backbone. Such is the mother-daughter bond. It stays a great influence in a daughter’s life and affects her life in more ways than one can fathom.

In so many ways we realize, we are our mothers. I hope I am a good one. What I will teach you, will affect you for a lifetime and influence the land you will stand upon. I hope you stand a great ground, that you owe to mother earth. Isn’t it amazing that no men or women, living or dead, can ever avoid a woman? You are born from one and go back to the earth, who is herself a woman.

They can hide us, shame us, name us, but where is that one place to which anyone can run from a woman? You come from one, you go to one; in between is a journey of passers-by. As the winter was trying to blanket me with cold winds, these thoughts came to me, and I thought I will write to you. It might happen someday that I myself might forget them; then, you will remind me. Sometimes, daughters are a reminder of the power mothers are.

These letters that I am writing to you shall remain forever in the public domain. You would not mind that, I hope. Through these letters, I will talk to so many daughters, in so many colours and creeds. Like you, those daughters, whose names I might not know make me proud. Such are my daughters, they stand in pride, even when their skirts are dirty or their hair is not tied. In their pride or shame, I stand by them.

Such are my daughters, they stand in pride, even when their skirts are dirty or their hair is not tied. In their pride or shame, I stand by them.

Now, here are a few things I thought I will talk about in this letter. And like always, you can choose to agree or disagree.

1. Come clean

Now, this is something about life: We all mess up. We all do. Period. No one in the history of mankind has ever grown old without some mud clinging to their faces at least once in their lifetime. But that is the trick; no matter where you are and what you have done, the day you know, you need to change or move on, you got to do the clean up act.

Cleaning up is telling the truth to yourself about where you are, what brought you here and why you are here. And then formulating the first step out of it. It is okay not to know the second step. However, do remember, when you take the first step, the Universe invariably shows you the second and the third.

We live in a friendly Universe. Nothing ever comes into our life without the need for it that dangles already within us. When we clean the roots, the outer world changes. Cleaning up means finding out that ugly part which we hide, until the day we fall on our face and everyone sees the dirty undergarments that we are wearing.

Stop blaming the people who laughed. Get up and wash what you think is dirty. Do whatever it takes to clean up. It might take you a new skill – learn. A new teacher – find. A debt to pay – return. More money – earn. Do whatever it takes.

Getting stuck is the illness that makes people bitter and violent. No matter how many times you fall and get dirty, stand up. Get clean. That is how we find a new place, a better place where dreams come true and love stories happen. Believe me, it’s all worth the hard work. I assure you that. Nothing is more refreshing than a clean shower.

2. Stand for something

The world my child, comes as a mixed bag. Not everything that you see is the same. Not everyone follows the same path. Not everyone is just. There are things that you will feel for. We all do. But then we sit back. The reasons might be many. But, beta, if you ever feel that there is something that is not right, stand up for it. Speak out. Most of the time in our society, people don’t.

The reasons might be many. But remember, daughter, that you only get in life what you have the courage to stand for. Yes, that takes a strong backbone. Build one. I have learnt one thing in life: If you stay silent, it is mostly interrupted as consent.

Speak up when you feel something is not right. Sometimes it is for yourself, and sometimes it’s for the greater good. As a human being who has a mind, it’s the first sign, that you are not a sheep. Even if it is just a tweet or a conversation, raise a whisper at least.

Nations rise and fall in proportion to the voices of their citizens. So does life. It will rise and fall according to your courage of speaking out and asking for what you want. You will never get anything that you don’t ask for. And never sell your voice for anything. Ever.

3. Forgive 

Forgiveness is a highly regarded virtue. But what I have understood is that it is the most important life skill one needs to have. Know why? It’s the key to a free life. Our deepest fear is that if we forgive, we will set the ones who have hurt us free. They will go scot free.

It’s actually the other way around; unforgiveness holds you hostage to a past that is over. You rent your present to a past. Forgiveness is the only key that fits in the lock that opens the gates to a free future. Forgiveness, as Oprah Winfrey rightly says, is giving up the hope that the past could be any better.

Forgiveness means accepting your wound, healing it and letting it go. People stay in your mind and from there you have to release them. Otherwise, your present and future stands as a hostage to the past. Most importantly, forgive yourself for all the mistakes you think you made that put you in a hurtful place and for trusting someone who hurt you. Know, you did what you knew then, now you know better, you do better. That Maya Angelou will agree with too.

Forgive everyone for everything, including yourself. It is your only ticket to freedom.

4. Two years fix 

Here is something I learnt from life. If you need to make a choice about  a dress, think how it would look on you the day you are going to wear it. And if you are making a choice for a lifetime, think how it would feel after two years from now, after every person has left home. If you think it feels right, raise the green flag. If it does not feel all right, raise the red flag.

Remember, life is all about your well being; do what feels good from within. In all probability, you will make the right choice. For me, the two years fix has worked like magic.

5. Treasure yourself 

There is this line in the Bible, “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.” This is one of my finest lessons I learnt and still am learning.

There is nothing wrong in being kind in general, but what defeats the purpose is when we start pouring ourselves out to people who would not value our precious selves. When someone disrespects you and yet you keep giving, it is the most intense violence one can inflict on oneself. When you stay in a place where your needs are not met and you are violated in any way, it will create a crater within you, which takes an eon to heal. My grandfather had the wisest lines to speak, “Do not give to the one who is not worthy. The unworthy will throw away diamonds, trusting it to be coal.”

It’s a soft February afternoon outside. The place where I stay is very silent. And I love it. But today my landlady said that they will be shutting this place down as her family would be moving in here to stay permanently. They have put a huge notice just outside the hall, for all of us to see. I have a two month’s notice. But then there is a point – I was getting too used to all this; it became my comfort zone.

I see that for the past two years, I have stopped venturing out of my own zone. So, a change should be a welcome. I have lived with terrific people and I am sure there are others with whom I will share my life. That’s the best part of shifting places – the people; you never remain the same after you leave.

 I have so much to write to you, but then, that will be in another place and time. It’s already one long letter. I love you and you know that. Know for sure, no matter how many oceans you move across or places you travel to, if you ever want to come back, Maa and Daddy will always be home. And someday you will realize as I do now, that having a home is one of the greatest blessings in life.

 Lots of morom*,

 Maa

*love in Assamese

Mother-daughter image via Shutterstock

Proud Indian. Senior Writer at Women's Web. Columnist. Book Reviewer. Street Theatre - Aatish. Dreamer.

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1 Comment


  1. Nice Paromita…. This one was also as nicest as last letters!! Keep writing!!!

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