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Paromita Bardoloi shares with a young woman, the lessons she has learnt on what it means to be an empowered woman
Dear Mukta,
This letter was a promise, I made long back; but time has been such a scarce resource. But here I am. I was so happy to see you that day at CP. You told me how two years in France just passed by. And now you are again back to do your PHD.
You wanted to know about many things. I am often amazed at your questions that too just in your early twenties. I shall try to answer as much as I can; and trust life to take you the best way.
Sweetheart, every human being has his or her religion and if you are observant you can always find one’s religion. For many it is fear, for some it’s money, for some its goodness and so one. And each one chooses their religion. That religion is what defies our choices, our behavior and may be ‘our destinies.
Yes! I am coming to our favorite topic. Relationships. I have learnt that the highest form of respect sometimes you can offer someone is letting them be. We all make choices. Sometimes it’s so hard but we need to know that we are NOT a part of someone’s happiness or destiny. Hard it might be but just trust your destiny, God, karma or whatever you call. Let it go. One day you would know ‘why it never happened.’
Know your history. You will know ‘why some things are important to you as a woman.’ My history comes from my father who was born and brought up in a village. I was born in a very sleepy small town. When I was a child, I have run across fields that were already reaped. The left over stumps would cut my tiny feet. But I ran each day under the blue sky. Yes, it did hurt when I washed my feet with warm water every evening. But I was ready to pay that price. Freedom is my history and there is always a price you pay.
The most important lesson, I learnt as a woman is to trust people. There are times I have seen that most women go through this phase (I went through too) ‘what will happen if I am not in his/her life?’ Believe me; everyone can take care of themselves. I truly trust when they say, they do not want to do this or want me in their lives. I think the bitterest relationships are those when we don’t trust others and keep giving ourselves to them; and finally we learn that they are living another life without acknowledging our presence.
Another empowering lesson I learnt is to ‘choose the battle well before fighting.’ Personally, I had fought many a battles which were not even important. For example, as, I am 28 the whole of universe seems to be asking the big question, “When will the big day happen?” I too instinctively decided to fight it out giving reasons and stressing myself. Suddenly wisdom dawned and I realized that this is one battle that I need not fight. My marriage is not a matter of national interest, so next time I went through the same question, I decided to smile. And it was just so easy. In gist, think twice ‘which battle you really, want to fight.’
Today as I am writing this to you the streets are all lighted. It is Diwali. Wish you all light and happiness. And finally, you know what; no one’s life is perfect. Yes, we break up, we fight with best buddies, we mess up and unforeseen things happen. But make sure everything leaves you with a life lesson, so that whenever you tell your story, you tell the most powerful one.
Trust life, love yourself.
Love, Baa (Baa means elder sister in Assamese, which is actually the short form of Baidew)
Pic credit: Theresa (Used under a Creative Commons license)
Proud Indian. Senior Writer at Women's Web. Columnist. Book Reviewer. Street Theatre - Aatish. Dreamer. Workaholic. read more...
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Before expecting the daughter in law to love, respect and accept the new family, it is only fair that the family demonstrates all of these first.
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