Losing a child is an experience that no parent should ever have to face. A survivor shares her story. 

By Rakhee Ghelani

Living through the loss of a child is considered to be one of the most devastating experiences a person can go through. I should know. I watched my son pass away in my arms only an hour after he was born. There was nothing that I or the medical profession could do to save him; all I could do was keep him warm, love him and make his short time on earth as comfortable as possible.

Whilst going through that surreal hour was incredibly challenging, I was in such a state of shock that I was actually quite calm and rational. It was certainly no indication of what the weeks, months and years that followed would be like for either me or my friends and family.

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When you already have a biological child, can you accept and love your adopted one equally? Nayantara shares her personal experience. 

By Nayantara Mallya

Six years ago, we made a trip to meet a very little baby, who is now almost four feet tall and almost in first grade. It was the culmination of a dream, and it feels so good to have gone ahead and adopted our second child.

Our elder daughter had just turned three, and I found myself longing for another baby, much to my surprise, since I had sworn during the sleepless nights of her infancy that we’d be crazy to think of having one more. When I brought it up with my husband, it was already certain that we would either adopt, or stick to having only one child. The question that helped me decide was, “When I’m eighty and dying (!), will I regret not adopting?” That sealed it!

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Parenting responsibilities do not end even if a marriage does. How does one see beyond the differences for successful co-parenting?

By Nisha Salim

Children are the innocent victims of the inability of adults to make their relationship work. When a marriage ends in divorce, the ex-spouses’ responsibilities towards each other may end, but parenting duties continue. Supporting your child through divorce has been explored before. In this article we take a closer look at co-parenting, the emotional challenges that are involved and the role of the extended family in successful co-parenting.

“If you choose to engage in an adversarial procedure, consumed with hostility towards your spouse, I guarantee that hostility will be returned in spades. If, instead, you commit to steering through the process as cleanly as possible, the rewards will be manifold.”
~ (How to avoid the divorce from hell: and dance together at your daughter’s wedding. By M. Sue Talia)

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School options for your young child are no longer restricted to the pool of CBSE/Matriculation/State board/ICSE schools in the neighborhood. 

By Anitha Ramkumar

Today’s parents hear about different educational philosophies such as Montessori, Waldorf, Reggio and others. This article is an attempt to provide a brief snapshot of these three philosophies. (It is not a comprehensive write up of everything about all the alternative educational approaches or a comparison chart between the different approaches to education.)

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Gender-neutral parenting is always a challenge, but the Indian extended family makes it extra difficult. How do Indian parents manage?

By Nayantara Mallya

Whenever I read parenting books, I use most of the strategies they suggest with a huge pinch of salt. In the Indian cultural context, a parent is under constant scrutiny from the older generation. Especially when parents are progressive regarding gender stereotypes, roles and responsibilities, it can lead to clashes, misunderstandings and compromises, all of which breed resentment and are not in the child’s best interest. Some parents share their experiences and tips on gender-neutral parenting in the context of the extended family.

Ignoring gender stereotyping is tough

“My mother can really upset me with some stereotypes she won’t let go of,” says Veena Ghoshal*, a Software Test Engineer. “My husband, son, daughter and I were in a car that turned turtle on a slippery road last year, and we all sustained minor injuries. More than the accident, my mother’s anxiety got to me. My daughter lost two teeth and my mother was worried about how it would affect her chances of marriage. She’s 5, for crying out loud!”

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With increasing numbers of teens and pre-teens online, how do parents ensure online security while listening to children’s demands for privacy?

By Anindita Mishra

A mini-scale war started in my household when I asked my 16 year old for his new e-mail password. He considered my demand outrageous, downright dictatorial and a breach of privacy! “I am not a kid anymore! And anyway, I show you all my mails, you are my friend on Facebook and I don’t access any other social networking sites. So what’s the problem?”

“Oh dear!” I thought, “The boy is showing signs of the rebellious teens. He has clean forgotten what I had said while opening his e-mail account a couple of years ago.” I had explained that I needed to know the password to keep tabs on his mails so that he was safe online. He had readily agreed then.

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With inter-cultural Indian marriages becoming common, do parents in multilingual families fear their children losing out on either parent’s cultures?

By Melanie Lobo 

“East is East and West is West, and never the twain shall meet”. This might have been true in Kipling’s time, but nowadays, marriages in India between people from very different communities are no longer a rarity. In the interweaving of cultures, language becomes a focus – and sometimes a sore point, being one of the most visible markers of culture and identity. How are Indian multilingual families dealing with this diversity of languages, especially when it comes to teaching the children? We talk to 4 Indian families, each with different ways of dealing with a multilingual family.

Culture is who we are

Anisha Kanjilal, a mother to two boys feels that it is important to retain your culture. She says, “It is your identity, it is who you are.” She and her husband Sanjeevan, come from multilingual families themselves. Anisha’s mother is from Mangalore while her father is Sindhi. Her father-in-law is from pre-partition Bengal while her mother- in-law is a Parsi. She grew up speaking Sindhi while her husband speaks Bengali and Gujarati. This couple wanted their children to speak all the languages and have made it a point to ensure that it happens. So they instructed their respective parents to talk to the grandchildren in their own native languages.

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The world of extremely talented children differs quite drastically from those of “normal” kids. A look at the world of two gifted young sportspersons and their families.

By Nayantara Mallya

Amy Chua’s tiger-parenting methods have triggered raging debates about the pitfalls of pushing kids and the value of training, dedication and competition. Two Indian parents whose children have pursued competitive sports share their tips for managing the challenges that come up with gifted children.

Sheela Kamath, a Special Educator and Counsellor in Bangalore is mother to 18 year old Meghana who has been a state-level swimming champion. “We signed her up for swimming classes at age 6, only with the intention of easing her chronic colds and sleep disorder, where she would sleep in the evening and awaken in the middle of the night”, she says. Meghana’s coach spotted her aptitude and soon she was training for competitive swimming. From the ages of 10 to 15, she participated in several inter-school and interstate tournaments, winning medals and trophies galore.

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People with a physical disability can be parents – and very able ones. We bring you two different parenting stories.

By Nayantara Mallya

People with physical disabilities are often marginalized and perceived as being ‘unable’ in all fields. When it comes to raising a child, parents with disabilities frequently face resistance from family and society; it is commonly assumed that they cannot cope with the challenges of parenting.

Nothing could be further from the truth for a few such parents who are bringing up their children successfully and happily. After all, parenting usually requires more mental strength than physical – something any tired parent of a toddler will vouch for, at the end of a day full of tantrums! Two parents with physical disabilities give us a peek into the daily challenges of parenting.

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If your child needs special attention for a temporary or chronic medical problem, take heart from these parenting tips and stories.

By Nayantara Mallya

Parenting is not for the faint-hearted, and further challenges arise when a child’s medical condition needs extra care. The restrictions imposed by a child’s chronic condition affect family dynamics, parenting, sibling relationships and school matters.

Lifestyle Restrictions 

Rhea Pais*, from Bangalore is mother to four boys. Her second son, Matthew*, aged 10, suffered his first epileptic attack at age 3. Fortunately, his condition is under good control with medication, with only 3-4 more seizures since.

“Matthew’s doctor has vetoed swimming as hazardous, as his seizures involve loss of consciousness. The number of children in a typical swim class makes it tough to consistently maintain one child’s safety”, explains Rhea. Rhea diplomatically handled Matthew’s resentment that his elder brother could attend swimming class. Matthew swam in a shallow pool under her watchful eye and worked it out of his system. He confessed that swimming wasn’t very exciting after all!

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