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Stress and suicidal tendencies in the youth. Maybe this happens because kids are pushed to be not themselves, especially introverts? Some musing on solitude.
When I was little, I was coaxed to venture out and make friends. I made friends. Played outdoors. Muddied myself. Got scolded often. Was great at flaunting myself. At making myself visible. I loved limelight. I did not overdo it. But I wasn’t a silent kid either. My personality bordered on extroversion.
Then unfortunate things happened. Family metamorphosed into dysfunctionality. Terrible stuff. Loneliness crept in. I could hardly express myself. In a few years, a deep silence surrounded me. Suicidal. Scared. Less on confidence. Less on self-esteem. Clingy. Needed relationships to stay afloat. As a result of which entered into wrong relations and crushed self-esteem even further. Took a lot of time and incredible mental support and resilience to come out of the abyss.
Today that abyss still threatens me. Darkness looms over my head all the time. But I have found my ways now. I am less vulnerable now than I ever was, but vulnerable nevertheless.
I am sure this isn’t my story alone. I am sure there are many here who are perhaps reading this who have gone through similar sequence of events and need other people around to keep them afloat.
Humans are social animals. We need society to survive and thrive. All too often we teach our children to be social. All too often we focus on them being extroverts. All too often we ingrain in them the need to please others so that they can thrive.
All too often we neglect showing them the value of solitude. Of being comfortable with themselves. Of being them. Their own unique selves. Sometimes we condition them to be social animals at the cost of others.
I understand the need of making them social. But I also understand the need of guiding them through their vulnerabilities. Of helping them understand their own company. Of showing them ways in which they can spend time knowing themselves. So when the limelight disappears, when life changes its tracks, they still enjoy their own company. They understand all is not over yet. They learn to draw lines. So they don’t cling to violent, harassing relations just out of the sheer fright of isolation. So they don’t sacrifice their esteem for people who don’t value them just because they feel the need to prove themselves. So they realize that at the end of it they are loved, if not by anyone, by themselves.
I feel the values of society and solitude – both are equally important. So when one falters, the other stands strong.
We live in an age of extreme emotions. Gruelling timelines. Peak passions. In such times, solitude is the only hope of creating a generation that knows itself and doesn’t tremble meekly at the thought of changing dynamics of relations. Solitude is essential. As much as society is. Sometimes more.
Let us bring up a generation of people who aren’t shy of being with themselves. And at the same time aren’t shy of letting others be. Let us guide them on solitude.
(Written in the wake of statistics that show increased levels of narcissism, bullying and suicidal tendencies)
If you or anyone you know is feeling suicidal, here are some of the helplines available in India. Please call.
Aasra, Mumbai: 022-27546669
Sneha, Chennai: 044-2464 0050
Lifeline, Kolkata: 033-2474 4704
Sahai, Bangalore: 080–25497777
Roshni, Hyderabad: 040-66202000, 040-66202001
Previously published on the author’s Facebook page.
Image source: Flickr, for representational purposes
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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