Why Do Women Need Permission to Have Fun?

Love cannot be bought. If it’s there it’s there, if it isn’t it isn’t. Same way, you cannot make someone unlike a person. The heart has its own way. Anything else comes across as pretentious.

I have been thinking about a lot of things ever since a coffee meet-up with my badass friend. She’s wild, in her thoughts and actions. Rules don’t stand a chance near her if she does not agree to it.

My friend’s ‘wild child’ attitude inspires me, but I have my inhibitions

The way she lives her life in abandon always inspires awe in me, but I have never been able to be like her. Because, inhibitions. I don’t know who put them there, but inhibitions always restrained me. I am not the traditional kind. Far from it. But when it comes to myself, I have always been inhibited.

For example, my friend had always wanted to go camping. Not the Bear Grylls kind of trekking, but somewhere where hotels let you camp out. You can have your own bonfire, live in a tent outside, and sleep under the stars. She had waited till her child outgrew her toddlerhood. Somehow the camping never happened. Her husband, her friends, or whoever she came up with either canceled at the last moment or was not enthusiastic about it. But she was.

She wanted to do it, so she did

So, one fine day she just got into her red jeep, packed her belongings and her child, and went off for a camping trip. At the last meet-up, she showed me the photos, how much fun she had, and how it was worth it. She looked really happy!

I said, ‘Had I been in your situation, I would never have gone. I would have been sad about being by myself and this thing not being a family outing.’

‘And what would you gain by doing that?’ she asked.

‘What do you gain by waiting?’ Nothing. Maybe a few years down the line, you would also be plagued by thoughts of “Maybe if I had gone ahead with my plans, I would have been so much happier.”

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Being a mother does not mean sacrificing my dreams

‘You know what my father taught me? Nothing is more important than my soul being free and alive. Most of all it keeps your immune system strong. You cannot wait for someone to live your life with you. Yeah, it’s amazing when you have someone by your side always, but more important is that when your heart asks you to be by its side, you are there.’

‘What about expenses? Don’t you feel kind of guilty about splurging on yourself alone?’

‘Babe,’ she said, looking straight into my eyes, ‘Why should I feel guilty about leaving my full-time career so that I can provide free childcare to my husband, a clean home, and warm meals? This also includes maintenance of the home, school work, keeping up with activities, etc. I am helping my husband to have a career. Without my support, he won’t have a career.

Why do you think women are homemakers even though they are more capable in their field than their male counterparts? Women don’t have the support, that’s why; Men do. So, it’s me who is doing my husband a favour. Not the way the society makes it sound to be. So, if I indulge in a little holiday why should I feel guilty? What makes you think I don’t deserve it?’

I learnt an important lesson-not to put myself last

I was literally enlightened by what she had said. I looked at my macchiato and the almond croissant sitting next to it. My heart had craved the chocolate croissant, but just for some deep-seated inhibition, I opted for the almond croissant. Even for the minutest things as these, I never could oblige my heart. Maybe the price is high, maybe it does not look appropriate, or maybe someone would not like it. But while doing this, I have been letting myself down! Actually, you don’t need a reason to keep your soul happy. It’s a necessity. Doing otherwise creates a lot of stress and heartbreak which in turn results in a body that also shows less vigour.
I mean it’s okay if other people don’t love you. But it pierces the emotions when you do not stand up for yourself.

This lesson is for all women

Women who are gaslighted, who are taught to be grateful for all the wrong reasons, women who are belittled just because they are homemakers. It’s time these women understand their true value. It’s time these women knew that waiting for people to treat you well is outright stupid. It’s time these women start to make their hearts happy.

Frankly, love cannot be bought. If someone wants to be with you, he/she will. If someone does not, you cannot do anything about it. You cannot make someone do what you want or how you want. Women usually give in to others. But what about when it comes to their hearts? They want to feel justified that they indulgences are allowed.

Seriously women, is this what you really want to do?

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