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The most important lesson I learned is the significance of inner strength. I've learned to reassess and reconsider things without causing harm to myself.
It took me over two years to realize that the problem lay within them, not me. Their hurtful remarks kept echoing in my ears: “She is crazy, don’t talk with her.” “You act like a grandmother. I can’t understand whether I have feelings for you or not.”
It felt like my whole world had shattered; hardly anyone stood by my side except for my parents. Even the friends who claimed to be there for me were nowhere to be found when I needed them the most. To keep going, I focused on self-improvement and my work with patients.
He is a member of a well-known Indian Rock Band, and we connected at a social gathering. We started chatting, and when I moved to Delhi after completing my PhD, we met in person. Initially, our relationship was more of a friendship, but things changed when he introduced me to his family. Although it was mostly on professional grounds because of my work at a renowned Indian hospital, his mother was to be treated in one of its departments.
Over time, our meetings became more frequent, and within a few months, I became a regular guest at their home. They treated me like a family member, inviting me to every occasion, be it birthdays or pujas. This continued for over six months.
Things became more complicated when my parents came to visit me, and his parents warmly welcomed them into their home. This led me to confess my feelings for him. However, he denied the idea of a romantic relationship, insisting that we were better off as friends because he considered himself more of a womanizer.
My heart and mind were conflicted. I, who had never thought of getting married, found myself introduced to someone I had a crush on, and the situation led to discussions about marriage. It was incredibly confusing for me. On one hand, I didn’t want to be rude to his loving parents, but on the other hand, I questioned his contribution to my life’s challenges.
I remember one night, around 12:30 am, his mother called me and told me he had agreed to the marriage. However, I urged her not to pressure him since he was still dealing with childhood trauma issues and was on medication. The next day, he seemed affirmative about the marriage, but the following day, he called to say he had changed his mind. I told him that I would stand by him unless my parents intervened.
The next few months were even more complex as I was introduced to more family members and made to feel like a part of their family. They gave me special treatment on occasions, and even my birthday was celebrated with enthusiasm. My father noticed this and suggested we talk during a Puja.
During the Puja, I revealed everything to him, and he advised me to demand an assurance from him that he truly wanted to be with me and that I wouldn’t be used. I conveyed this message to the man, and he said he needed at least a year to sort things out. I passed on this information to my father, who replied that it could be even longer, but the important thing was that I needed an assurance of his commitment.
Not long after this, he blocked me from all social media platforms and refused to meet me, claiming that my way of talking and behaving made me seem like an elderly person. I pleaded to meet him, but he and his family ignored me.
The shock was immense. The person whom I had considered a part of my family was now unreachable, and his younger brother got married without me coming to know. It felt like my world was collapsing. My parents were concerned, and my best friend had also left after her marriage. Anxiety took a toll on me, and I started doubting myself, wondering what I had done wrong and how I could fix it.
There were moments when I couldn’t bear to look at myself in the mirror because it reminded me of the memories I shared with him. I started despising myself. Thankfully, my friend, who happens to be a psychiatrist, began counselling me, and gradually, I regained confidence in myself.
Although this happened between 2017 and 2019, the scars remain. Trusting people is still challenging for me.
I’ve learned that excessive giving isn’t always worthwhile. The most important lesson I learned is the significance of inner strength. I’ve learned to reassess and reconsider things without causing harm to myself. There are still days when memories hit me hard, but the pain has lessened over time.
The damage inflicted upon my mind by him and his family will take years to heal, but it didn’t extinguish the love within me. However, his mother played a vital role in saving me. She told me, “Joyee, you are too good for my family. They don’t realize what they’re losing. You’re being saved from a much worse situation if this had occurred after marriage. Be strong, my dear; you will overcome it.”
In conclusion, I want to end this chapter of my life with a positive lesson I’ve learned: “It’s better to let people walk away from you than to allow them to walk all over you.”
Image source: YouTube/Pocket Films
Cancer Stem Cell Researcher, loves to write about various experiences experienced in life. read more...
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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