What’s The Real Reason Most Couples Lose Intimacy After A Child?

People say couples lose their intimacy after having a child. Some might even say that it is because the woman’s body changes drastically or a result of distance between the new parents due to the baby. But is this actually true?

The bedroom feels like a prison now with no escape. All she can do is face the other way and drift into sleep. Probably, imagine themselves in an alternate universe where he still loves her like before. The world she images is just a freckle she can hold onto till the morning sun strokes her hair to be ready for another day.

People say couples lose their intimacy after having a child. Some might even say that it is because the woman’s body changes drastically or a result of distance between the new parents due to the baby. But it makes you think if it’s actually true?

A couple lacks closeness most of the times because the man in the relationship loses his interest in his partner. He notices the woman’s flaws instead of her achievement. And this awkwardness reflects the way the woman perceives her own self after child-birth. If the man shows confidence in his wife, the wife imbibes his positive energy and happiness.

On the other hand, the woman starts experiencing a dramatic drift towards her behaviour, eating habits and life style if she is ignored. After the mother gives birth, the man takes time to switch on to the ‘father mode’. It takes effort and enthusiasm for the male counterpart to adapt to the role of a paternal figure. While a woman becomes a mother as soon as she knows that a tiny life exists inside her. A man achieves this milestone only after feeling the first kick or the first ultra-sound or holding his child for the first time. Females have the ability to mould themselves in the role of a mother much earlier than a man.

So what really happens to the man?

In the process of preparing for a new member, men stop noticing the little things their partner does for them. They look at their partners but don’t actually see them. He doesn’t notice the new jeans she is wearing or the new highlights she tried on her hair. The peck on the cheeks which he made sure she got before leaving for work is no more bestowed on her. Maybe that was the highlight of her day. But he thinks she might be too tired for cuddles when she actually might be carving for it.

Being in the same room, he is engrossed in his newspaper or the mobile phone. She might look at him to pour out her heart but he doesn’t even bother to look at her in the eye. She begins to make herself invisible by answering in the subtle tones or wearing ordinary clothes. She tends to believe that she isn’t valued like before.

It is a self-realisation process where she learns to love her new self a little more. The journey ahead seems like a mountain climb but she keeps her head held high and moves on. She is more than a mother, a care-giver, a doctor and a therapist. She is all knowing, image of an angel.

Image source: Pocket Films/ Anamika

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About the Author

Nikita Rego

She has done her Masters in Commerce from IGNOU. Writing to her is an activity which lets her share her thoughts and feelings to the world. She has been associated with writing since a tender read more...

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