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In the modern world, we are always on the brink of losing out. Here are 7 ways how to make new friends in this hectic world!
In the modern world, we are always on the brink of losing out. Here are 7 ways how to make new friends and keep them in this hectic world!
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, “a friend is someone you like and trust”. It is actually that simple. However, in real life, relationship with friends is far from “simple”.
Most of us lose touch with the friends we grew up with – friends with whom we spent hours chatting during the long bus journey to school, friends who taught us to ride the cycle, and friends who always got an extra portion of lunch, so they could share with us.
As life happens, we lose many friends along the way – sometimes to ego, sometimes to temper, sometimes to plain laziness, and sometimes to a shift in our priorities.
Good friends help us surf the rough waves of life. You could be in any stage of life. Isn’t it true that happy moments seem to last longer and sad moments seem more bearable with a friend around?
Here are some things that we could do to make and keep good friends.
Friendship needs constant nurturing. Friends have to figure out the Top 3 of our life’s priorities. They belong right there at the top, along with family and career.
Even the CEO of a company will have her lonely moments and would love to chat with a friend. In friendship all are equal. Without overthinking, just grab your phone and give it a call. Or leave a message saying you’d like to catch up. Chances are, your friend will be happy to hear from you.
If it’s a big group, try to organize regular get-togethers. It can be tiring sometimes, where no one agrees to a date and each one acts busier than the next. Just give a date and venue and go ahead with whoever can join.
Simply listen when they are talking.
Sometimes people just want you to listen and empathize. If it’s a close friend and if you think they could be wrong about something, gently tell them so – “Hey, is it possible that there is another way of looking at this?” But, listen out first.
When you sense an argument heating up, simply put a stop to it by saying, “Let’s agree to disagree”. Even the best of friends cannot hold the same views about everything.
Offer to help and support. Be the friend in need. Even very small gestures like ordering takeaways for lunch for a friend who is busy, or, babysitting a sick friend’s child for just an evening, can go a long way in laying a strong foundation for a friendship.
Being a good listener is half the deal. You also have to open up and share your insecurities and lows. Your friend will feel valued this way.
You don’t have to take their advice. In fact, it is good to set boundaries here, so friends don’t start advising you on how you should be running your life. Good friendships thrive on equality. Nobody should need to feel superior or inferior.
Let the past be the past. Bringing up old fights and bringing up past embarrassing moments to lighten up a conversation in a group is not what good friends do.
Passing careless comments like, “she is absent-minded”, or, “he always cancels at the last minute” are all best left unsaid. All of us have enough “Judgy Judgers” in our lives. No one needs that in friendship.
Finally, try and be a good person. Make friends feel safe and respected in the relationship. Friends in a moment of weakness could confide certain things to you, about themselves or a family member.
Do not ever bring it up in future conversations with them or worse share it with other friends. If people have to watch every word they say, act guarded, and worry about things they share with you, it is not friendship.
Thiruvalluvar, a much revered Tamil poet who is said to have lived in the 6th Century, says this about friendship.
“Udukkai Izhandavan Kaipole aange
Idukkann kallayumam natpu.”
It roughly means “Like how your hand comes to your aid when your clothes slip, so does friendship, when you are in trouble”
Thiruvalluvar who lived hundreds of years ago defines feelings of friendship almost as a reflex action here. All of us deserve friends like that. We can earn such friends by being good friends ourselves.
Image source: Samuel Borges Photography, free and edited on CanvaPro
I am a Japanese language trainer with over 10 years of experience in teaching and mentoring students. I have lived in Japan for many years and enjoy sharing insights from my experience in the areas read more...
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