I Want To Be A Partner, Not The Mother Of My Partner Or Husband!

Sadly, in Indian society, if you are not married then you are not successful, your life is not happy, and you are subject to pity or gossip.

She is the elder of the two daughters of their parents. Growing up in the 90s, she had fought with many stigmas for girls. Worked hard to be independent and make a life that she wanted. She had to face a lot of trouble for every little thing that is not conventional for parents.

Yet never gave up.

She kept breaking the bubbles of society, carved her own path, and even made choices easier for her younger sister. Good job, owning a car, solo traveler- she achieved everything on her own.

Success for women only means a “good marriage” in India

Sadly, in Indian society, if you are not married you are not successful, your life is not happy and you are subject to pity or gossip. The girl however was very sure about her future plans. She was happy on her own. She wanted to work and expand a start-up so that she can generate employment and help people. But family pressure, social shame, and peer influence shifted her from her chosen path for herself.

She met a few guys but couldn’t click with them. Some of them wanted someone who could have “housewife qualities” along with earning money (now everyone suddenly wants an earning wife), and some of them wanted a glamour doll who will shine and shimmer in their world.

Seriously when you go into the matrimony market you realize that love really takes a back seat in this society. 

Meeting an old classmate for a date

Meanwhile, she unexpectedly met a school friend at a gathering. She had a fun evening talking about school days, and that’s when the guy told her that he had a crush on her. The next day she received a text from the same guy for a dinner date. She thought she could give it a shot.

She reached the restaurant where he asked her to choose the table. At the dinner table, he asked her to order whatever she wanted. When she asked him about his food order, he said I am okay with anything, you decide. At the time of paying the bill, he asked her how much tip he should pay. She said whatever you like. He said you decide. She of course gave an answer. When she got up to go, he said I’ll drop you off, you just book the cab to my address and add your stop. Of course, she did that.

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The next morning she received a text message, “Where shall we chill out in the evening, please decide and let me know”. She took a deep breath and collapsed on the sofa, I guess you already know what she was thinking, she was not deciding the place to chill out at, but deciding something else.

Later on, she decided on a place, she decided whether he should drink tea or coffee, she decided which clothes he should buy, she decided which restaurant to go to, and she decided whether they should drink or not. And if yes which one? Again she booked the cab to go back. She did not mention coming over because she had taken enough decisions for the day, and was not at all ready to have more of “You decide”.

Did he want a partner, or did he want a mother?

However she decided one more thing that night, “I cannot have a relationship with, or marry a person who is looking for a mother, not a partner. If I am the one who is gonna run the show for every big or little thing, why should I not focus on my solo performance? If I am smarter, wiser, and good enough to take all the decisions why I should not decide only for myself rather than giving free fund services to a man who has no guts to take responsibilities and risks in life?

When we are talking about gender equality it really equal division of roles. While we are raising voices against men for not giving equal opportunities to women, the concern for overburdening women who are empowered and can do enough on their own is critical.

Smart alpha women are now burdened with taking responsibility for everything in life while men are enjoying their carelessness and immaturity in marriages. It’s a very convenient escape from responsibility saying “You know better, you decide.”

Well, she knows better and she has decided. To live alone. Invest in herself. Invest in the growth of her career, and her happiness. She has decided to decide only for herself. She has chosen solitude and she is absolutely in love with herself and moving ahead to celebrate her very first #happysolentine.

Editor’s Note: It’s the season of love, and especially romantic love. But what if you are not in a romantic relationship right now? We asked our readers to send in their #HappySolentine stories.

Image source: a still from the YouTube series Average Ambili

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