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What We Have Become Over 16 Years Of Our Marriage!

A relationship, especially a marriage, is as much about what we make it, as it is about things beyond our control. The author muses on how they have handled it.

It’s our 16th wedding anniversary and I am in my early 40s.

I dug out a few of our old photographs from my hard disk; created an album along with the newlywed one to few recent ones and put it on social media.

On seeing this one of our friends asked, “How do you guys see your conjugal journey so far or where do you stand now in this 16 -year –long marital journey?”

I had never given a thought on this actually nor was I ready for this sudden, thought provoking question posed to me. I paused. I reflected, and found out it interesting indeed, and a whole lot more things started filling my mind.

Communication is key

I replied to him, “Oh! We together evolved as children… as parents, and there are a lot more changes both intentional and unintentional.”

Really a lot more things! Lot more changes! It’s time to grow up!

What have I become actually? When did I grow to different than before? Why did I become more responsible or act responsibly? I always do my share and pull my weight, even if no one asked me to.

Now, we have a better understanding of who we are and what we want, making it easier for us to focus on our priorities whether it’s a relationship, our parents, our children, or ourselves.

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I think communication is everything when it comes to being a good parent, from navigating those disputes with spouse in an effective manner to trying to help our child figure out the world around him.

As I get older and more mature, it becomes easier to communicate my needs, wants and boundaries. With age comes increased confidence and a increased ability to get my point across, no matter how unpopular or straightforward it might be.

And drawing boundaries with toxic people

I am perhaps a lot more aware and secure in myself than I thought I’d be at this age. I’m calmer yet alert; patient yet straight forward; relearning yet unlearning.

Now I understand that the little things are the big things sometimes, and the little things may become big things because they have meaning.

Eventually I concluded that it was better to end my relationships with some of the toxic people in the family, and put strict boundaries without guilt and fear. We learned to move on – even if they’re family. And simultaneously learning how to gracefully let others exit our life is also worthwhile.

Maybe we’ve seen a lot more of life (may not be all), and have more wisdom to impart to our child in a low yet firm voice and allow him to flourish and bloom with dignity in his own space, and with his own pace.

During this journey, we do believe strongly in learning as much we can from our experiences and that shouldn’t stop for us. We have learned to enjoy the challenges of growing and evolving over the years, and to remind us forever that age is just a number. It keeps life meaningful, colourful and worthwhile.

I think this is what we have become over our 16 years long marital life.

Image source: a still from the series Aani Kay Hawa

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About the Author

Utpala Bora Phukan

I am an educator, Soft-Skill Trainer & a mother. read more...

5 Posts | 2,644 Views

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