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When It Became Too Much, I Left My Baby With My In-Laws And Went To My Parents’ Place…

Many women have lost their lives to this darkness. It's high time we raise awareness, and make maternal mental health screening a part of the routine check ups.

Trigger Warning: This deals with severe postpartum depression, and may be triggering for survivors.

Motherhood is considered a beautiful blessing. Being able to create a new life is indeed beautiful and divine. We have seen in movies, advertisements, stories, everywhere… where motherhood is glorified and a mother is considered an epitome of tolerance and sacrifice.

But no one talks about the downside of it. No one talks about the emotional changes a woman experiences while giving birth and after it.

This is the story of my postpartum journey, where I suffered from postpartum anxiety and depression. I think this needs to be told, so that many women like me become aware of this.

Being the only child of my parents I was always pampered. I got married to the love of my life, and life was perfect. I have a job, and an understanding husband and in-laws.

After some years of my marriage, we both decided to start a family. My happiness knew no bounds when I got pregnant. I started dreaming about my baby, and honestly it was a very smooth pregnancy. I had no morning sickness, nausea,  nothing. It was all perfect.

I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, and our lives were complete. But little did I know what was waiting for me on the other side.

Then it all began

A few days later, I started developing terrible insomnia and mood swings. Initially I thought that it was a phase and will pass, but no. The intensity increased gradually. I used to cry for no apparent reason, and was anxious all the time. I started worrying about petty issues.I wanted to run away from everything. I could not find solace in anything. I did not feel like feeding my baby.

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When I discussed this with my husband and in laws, they dismissed my worries, saying that it’s all in the head and I should start thinking more about the baby and not about these petty issues.

Then there came a day, when I left my daughter with my in-laws, and I went to my parents. When they saw me they were flabbergasted. I cried my heart out and told them what I was going through. My father understood the issue and took me to a general physician. The doctor gave me some anti anxiety meds which helped me to sleep, but did not help much with the depressive episodes that I was going through.

After few days I returned to my in-laws’ place, and consulted a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed with post partum anxiety and depression.

When the treatment began, I started feeling much better. Later, when I joined an online group, I found that many new mothers go through this, but no one talks about it. Many women have lost their lives to PPD. It’s high time we raise awareness, and make maternal mental health screening a part of the routine check ups.

To all the new mothers reading this, I just want to say, if you face any such issues, without wasting any time, reach out for help. If no one supports you, go alone but please seek help. With proper therapy and medications, it does get better, and you can eventually enjoy motherhood.

Image source: ilkercekic from Getty Images Free for Canva Pro

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