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Clinical depression along with a straight marriage can make your life as a mother more difficult!
I am an aunt to two amazing nephews. I love them with all my heart and pamper them, which is why I am a cool aunt. While being the cool aunt isn’t easy, my sister and other mothers have shown me that mothering is infinitely harder.
Add to that a crippling mental illness like clinical depression, and you have a recipe for doom. I know because I have it for 17 years and counting. It has impacted not just my will to live (hello suicidal ideation), but also my entire personality ranging from my moods, my energy and patience levels and even my social skills. This is not on me! This is what depression does to a person.
And if you’re in a patriarchal straight marriage, there’s another problem you have to deal with even if you are living with a partner as it is ‘your’ job to raise kids. The mental load is not equal and it tilts in the man’s favour even without a child in the picture.
You’ll have to spend at least the next 18 years struggling to keep yourself afloat and your child safe and healthy, while your partner doesn’t even do the bare minimum. The pandemic has only made things worse for us women. So please, do your depressed self and your unborn child a favor and don’t be a mom.
If you are keen to become a mother, can put up with the mental load, and don’t have a partner then why not adopt instead of bearing your own child. Because while your biological kids are prone to inherit your mental illness, the chances are far slimmer when you adopt. Adoption is on the rise anyway, so why not consider that step?
After all, one can get depressed at any stage in life; and situational depression can be just as bad as clinical depression. At the end of the day, aren’t all parents—whether abled or disabled—only trying their best? Why then should mentally unwell people be denied the right to raise a child?
As long as they have healthy coping mechanisms and a support system in place, depressed folks can also do a reasonably good job at parenting. Or you know, don’t be a mom at all if you don’t want to. It’s totally your call.
Image source: Still from English Vinglish
Mahevash Shaikh is a millennial blogger, author, and poet who writes about mental health, culture, and society. She lives to question convention and redefine normal. read more...
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Modesty or humility is viewed as the hallmark of a well-brought-up girl, which makes it hard for us to be open to any real compliments without feeling like an imposter.
Why is accepting that compliment so hard?
Colleagues: Have you lost weight? You look good!
She (who has spent months doing Keto and weights): It’s the dress that’s making me look thinner!
Guests: Your house is so beautiful and neat!
She (who spent the last five hours mopping and polishing): It could be tidier; there is just so much dust.
Does Ranbir Kapoor expressing his preferences about Alia using lipstick really make him a toxic husband?
Sometime back, a video of Alia Bhatt with Vogue went viral where she shares her go-to make-up routine and her unique way to apply lipstick. It went viral not for the quirkiness but because she said that after applying the lipstick, she “rubs it off” because her then boyfriend and now husband – Ranbir Kapoor likes her natural lip colour and asks her to “wipe it off”, whenever they are out on a date night.
Netizens had gone crazy over this video, calling RK toxic and not respecting AB’s choice to wear makeup. I saw the video a couple of times to understand the reason behind the uproar but I failed to understand it. I read many comments and saw people saying that asking your partner or dictating terms on how they should wear makeup is a major sign to leave the person.
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