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Clinical depression along with a straight marriage can make your life as a mother more difficult!
I am an aunt to two amazing nephews. I love them with all my heart and pamper them, which is why I am a cool aunt. While being the cool aunt isn’t easy, my sister and other mothers have shown me that mothering is infinitely harder.
Add to that a crippling mental illness like clinical depression, and you have a recipe for doom. I know because I have it for 17 years and counting. It has impacted not just my will to live (hello suicidal ideation), but also my entire personality ranging from my moods, my energy and patience levels and even my social skills. This is not on me! This is what depression does to a person.
And if you’re in a patriarchal straight marriage, there’s another problem you have to deal with even if you are living with a partner as it is ‘your’ job to raise kids. The mental load is not equal and it tilts in the man’s favour even without a child in the picture.
You’ll have to spend at least the next 18 years struggling to keep yourself afloat and your child safe and healthy, while your partner doesn’t even do the bare minimum. The pandemic has only made things worse for us women. So please, do your depressed self and your unborn child a favor and don’t be a mom.
If you are keen to become a mother, can put up with the mental load, and don’t have a partner then why not adopt instead of bearing your own child. Because while your biological kids are prone to inherit your mental illness, the chances are far slimmer when you adopt. Adoption is on the rise anyway, so why not consider that step?
After all, one can get depressed at any stage in life; and situational depression can be just as bad as clinical depression. At the end of the day, aren’t all parents—whether abled or disabled—only trying their best? Why then should mentally unwell people be denied the right to raise a child?
As long as they have healthy coping mechanisms and a support system in place, depressed folks can also do a reasonably good job at parenting. Or you know, don’t be a mom at all if you don’t want to. It’s totally your call.
Image source: Still from English Vinglish
Mahevash Shaikh is a millennial blogger, author, and poet who writes about mental health, culture, and society. She lives to question convention and redefine normal. read more...
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People have relationships without marriages. People cheat. People break up all the time. Just because two people followed some rituals does not make them more adept at tolerating each other for life.
Why is that our society defines a woman’s success by her marital status? Is it an achievement to get married or remain married? Is it anybody’s business? Are people’s lives so hollow that they need someone’s broken marriage to feel good about themselves?
A couple of months ago, I came across an article titled, “Shweta Tiwari married for the third time.” When I read through it, the article went on to clarify that the picture making news was one her one of her shows, in which she is all set to marry her co-star. She is not getting married in real life.
Fair enough. But why did the publication use such a clickbait title that was so misleading? I guess the thought of a woman marrying thrice made an exciting news for them and their potential readers who might click through.
Imposter Syndromes is experienced internally as chronic self-doubt and feelings of intellectual fraudulence. There are 6 types of Imposter Syndrome.
Do you tend to be overly critical of yourself? Don’t worry, you are not alone.
Even after writing eleven books and winning several prestigious awards, Maya Angelou doubted that she had earned her accomplishments. Albert Einstein also described himself as an involuntary swindler whose work did not deserve the attention it had received.
Feeling inadequate, unworthy, and undeserving of success, along with the fear of being exposed as a fraud, is called the imposter syndrome.