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Dear Daughter, You Never Have To Give A Reason For Your Discomfort With Someone

Posted: May 29, 2021

While juggling multiple roles, don’t forget you are important too.  Make yourself a priority because no one else will with #KhayaalRakhna

Starting early, teach your child that they never have to feel bad about disliking any adult or being uncomfortable around them. 

Recently, during a casual mom and daughter chat, the two of us were just taking stock of the ‘trusted adults’ in our circle.

The dot pipes in,
“Amma, I really like XYZ aunty but don’t really feel fully comfortable with Uncle XYZ”.

I say okay and wait…

“…Amma, it’s not that he has ever given me cause feel uncomfortable…it is just that I somehow don’t feel fully okay…”

She paused. I could sense the slight glimmer of ‘self-doubt’ in her own judgement. But I wait. It comes.

“Amma, am I wrong? Is it okay if I don’t feel comfortable about someone who has not given me any reason to feel so…”

“Listen child…it is perfectly okay. Remember, you never, ever have to explain yourself for not feeling comfortable about someone or something. Trust your instinct and stay away. You have every right to say, ‘I do not like this’ and move away…always. Never allow anyone to compel you into validating why you feel something or someone is not right. Not now, not ever. And, that someone can be anyone, be it your close kin, a teacher, your parent’s trusted ally…whosoever.”

Now, look at ‘this’ conversation in the light of the ongoing Chennai Schools abuse issue. Social media is now replete with a new wave of #metoo incidents. What breaks the soul, even more, is the fact that this time the victims are all children. One story hit me really hard… a survivor who recounted her harrowing experience. What affected her more than the incident itself was the fact that her parents did not stand up for her!

Start young. Look your children in the eye and tell them you are there for them, no matter what! Talk to your kids. Yes, both girls and boys. Teach them it’s okay to say ‘No’ without guilt.

Image credits Photo by Mumtahina Tanni from Pexels

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