It’s Time You Stopped Undermining Us Simply Because We Are Women!

Since I can remember, I have heard people ask infuriating questions only to women. Here are some questions we really need to stop asking!

Coming from a family that has two daughters, I have seen my parents being looked down upon with sympathy by our near and dear ones. As a kid, I didn’t pay too much attention to these issues. However, as I matured, I realised the sick mindset of the people who still felt that having a son mattered more.

My parents were both highly educated and progressive and they hardly ever bothered with these issues. They gave my sister and me all that we wanted. However, the words of the individual regressive minds would give them a wound they didn’t deserve at all.

It all started the moment my younger sister was born. That’s when my grandmother said to my dad, ‘So now you have two daughters.’ To this, my dad replied, ‘It was all I had asked for, mom. I always wanted to have two angels in my life and here they are.’

After this, my granny gave him a sly smile but I saw that my dad feeling the pinch. Soon after, our close relatives and strangers too joined on the bandwagon and would compulsively ask my parents’ similar questions.

‘Oh, you don’t have a son?’

Every time someone made such derogatory comments, I remember fuming with anger, but honestly, there wasn’t much I could do. Sadly, in the society where we live, there is no dearth of such silly minds. The ones who don’t think twice before throwing such awful thoughts at you. I have seen my friends and even I have experienced this at some point in life and I don’t have any qualms speaking about them.

‘You should’ve tried to have a son.’ This was something I heard and saw a lot of people say to my mother repeatedly. When my parents were happy, what was bothering this tribe who had no other work, other than passing such silly comments?

Why should someone try to have a son when they believe that their daughters are no less and can achieve the impossible. In fact, the sex of the kid is the work of three players – the sperm, eggs and the chromosome. Does a person’s effort really matter now?

‘Don’t let them stay out late at night’

They are girls, after all. Now almost every girl can relate to this since I know that I grew up listening to this. Yes, we are girls, but that doesn’t mean that we are feeble or can’t take care of ourselves. Girls are no less than boys when it comes to showing their courage or vigour in absolutely any situation!

‘How can they speak in such loud voices?’ They should be soft-spoken. Well, gender can’t be a deciding factor for a person’s voice quality or pitch. Being a girl doesn’t take away our freedom of speech or expression. We can express our feeling the way we want and society has absolutely no right to set any benchmarks for the same!

‘Lose some weight; you need to look good!’

Losing weight and looking good shouldn’t be the wishlist for only the girls. Having a healthy body is something we all need to aspire and aim for. Gender has absolutely no role in this. We are not supposed to be the torchbearers of good looks. And we definitely have other important things to do in life other than just caring for our looks!

‘Take up a 9-5 job as it works best for the ladies.’ As we step into the next stage of our lives, where we want to take on the world with our spirit and vigour, statements like these shake us from within. Some of the people closest to me have said this to me and I have given it back to them in their own language.

A 9-5 job can never be synonymous with my gender. We can take up any job we want with pride and leave no stone unturned in doing justice to the assigned work.

‘Why don’t you have kids?’

I have seen too many women in my close circle being asked this question time and again. The decision to have kids is a joint one by the husband and the wife. So, why does the obligation to answer this question always fall on the wife’s shoulders?

‘Take a break from work. Who will look after the kids?’ It is not only the mother’s sole responsibility to look after her kids. Both parents should have equal involvement and contribution in raising their kids. So why must only a mom take a break from work?

When both parents have toiled hard throughout their career to reach where they are, how does it make sense to only ask a mother to sacrifice? If she does it of her own will, it is okay. But no one in the whole wide world has the right to tell her to do so!

‘Leave your job and accompany your husband’

‘How can you live without him here?’ If a husband has his career to adhere to, so also his partner. Both can stay apart and work for a certain period of time.

Why should a wife submit her papers and accompany her beloved only because it won’t be ‘wise’ to stay alone? Leaving a rewarding career is a personal choice, and no one should have a say in the same.

Well, this list continues and I don’t think I can sum it up in only 1000 words. All said and done, it’s high time we realised that girls and boys are the two hands of the same clock. They both have their own unique qualities, roles and purposes to serve. Stop undermining us for we are our own rulers!

Picture credits: Still from Puma’s Propah Lady campaign on YouTube

Jigyansa Mohanty

A former Banking and SAP professional, I love scribbling my thoughts. Mother to two boys,

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