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As a proud mother of three daughters, I don’t believe that the sole purpose for procreation is considered successful if you have a son!
I am a mother of three girls. When I had my first one, all my friends and relatives were very happy. They were thrilled at her arrival. Then I had the second one and the thrill downsized to ‘Oh! A girl again! Don’t worry, these days, girls are as good as boys.’ And finally, after I had my third, all they said was, ‘If only God gave her a boy!’ The whole effort and experience of the third pregnancy went in vain.
I wouldn’t say, I wasn’t hurt, I was definitely hurt! Not because I had the third girl child but because of the words that came from my ‘girl’ friends, their moms and mothers-in-law. It was heartbreaking to hear those words coming from women about women. I kept thinking why and how can they even say things like these about their own kind!
My husband and I have always wanted three kids, irrespective of their gender. And I am blessed to have a husband and family who are so supportive. They would never think of my girls as ‘just’ girls, instead, they know the girls are individuals with their own potential and born with their own fate.
There is no way anything comes into existence without God’s will, is what I believe. However, it doesn’t stop me from feeling sad about people and their mindsets towards women and girls and those who aren’t as fortunate as me to have this kind of support.
I see our society moving forward, dressing in a stylish manner, speaking multiple languages and being people pleasers. However, on the inside, they are still holding on to the rotten roots of patriarchy.
I do not have any personal grudges against male children. But I do have bitterness in my heart for the pride attached with a boy child. It seems as though the whole purpose of procreation is considered successful only after the birth of a male child. I don’t think there is anything wrong in wishing for a boy child, but it is completely unfair to be pitiful about the birth of a girl child.
The irony is that a woman spends her life proving her worth to her parents, then to her husband and in-laws and her relatives by producing a boy child. Once that is done, she is expected to prove herself to them by being a perfect mother. In this whole process, she forgets her own worth, the reason for existence. And she forgets that we are only as short of anything in comparison to men as we think.
It is us women who are taught to give importance to the male gender. How is there any difference between the two genders other than the physical difference. They grow up similarly, have the same milestones to achieve in the same span as toddlers, study in the same schools and often work in the same companies. Everything they achieve is because of their own abilities and not because of their gender. Yet a woman fails another woman by saying words that demean, not just her but the all of womanhood.
I believe there is a higher reason why God doesn’t let us choose the gender of our children. Let us respect that. And let’s stop differentiating and stop feeling pity towards girls for simply being girls. As it is, there is a lot that a girl has to do to prove her worth and as grown women, we know that better than anyone. So let’s not be harsh on ourselves.
Let’s not be harsh on mothers who have delivered baby girls. And let’s not be harsh to all of womankind. Because if you can’t respect yourself, why would the other gender respect you?
Picture credits: Still from Hindi TV series Shastri Sisters
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