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We got married the way we wanted - without any rituals, a crowd, makeup, heavy bridal costume, a lot of food wastage, dowry, and stress!
We got married the way we wanted – without any rituals, a crowd, makeup, heavy bridal costume, a lot of food wastage, dowry, and stress!
From the day I learnt what marriage is, I never wanted to get married. For a free bird like me, marriage was something that put a woman in a cage forever.
There were many people and many reasons why I felt that way until I met him – my husband. After two failed relationships I never thought about getting married and that too with a person who was almost a stranger to me.
I met Suman (my husband) through a matrimonial site. While I hated the idea of traditional Indian marriage, I wanted someone to share my life with. At the same time, I thought there could be someone who might feel the same things I did.
Someone who wanted a life partner and not an ideal wife. Who wanted someone to share his life with. Someone who hated the old customs and unwanted drama associated with traditional marriages. And someone who wanted to keep it as simple as I did.
I was also tired of the girlfriend-boyfriend relationship and did not want the breakup-patch-up, disagreements and final goodbyes all over again. So I began my search on matrimonial websites to find myself the perfect life partner.
When I say a perfect life partner, it could mean different things to different people. Let me tell you what my perfect life partner was:
He was someone who stood by my side when I was right. Someone who didn’t fight about petty issues instead sat and discussed those things with me and tried to find solutions to the problems. He was someone who treated me equally as a human, who celebrated my happiness (no matter how small) and cheered me up when I failed.
Someone who encouraged me to achieve great things in life and be happy about it. He was someone who gave importance to my work and helped me with the household chores. Someone who loved to travel. And someone who loved me unconditionally like a mother loves her child – accepting all the good and the flaws.
Well, the list can go on and on.
While I can do away with the rest of things, I can never compromise on respect, love and equality. And I knew that finding all these qualities in one man would not be easy, but I decided to give it a try.
I went through unlimited profiles, spoke to a dozen prospective guys and met two of them. And after all this, I received a request from Suman on the matrimonial website.
After chatting for a couple of days on Whatsapp, he called me up. And from the moment he said ‘Hi,’ we could not stop talking. On our very first call, we talked for about an hour without any pauses and silence in between.
Since then we talked on a daily basis.
While most of his interests matched mine, there was one thing that was stopping me from going ahead. He worked in Saudi Arabia – which I thought was a country that hated women, at least until I went there. Anyway, we kept moving forward.
Among many other things, there was one thing that I loved the most about us. We didn’t hide anything from each other, including our past relationships. And we never talked about getting married. It all just flew like a river, making way for itself.
After almost three months, he came to India as he was about to go to Assam (his hometown). He came to Delhi before going back to Saudi and that’s when we had our first meeting.
It was an awkward plan altogether. We decided to go on a trip for our first meeting. That’s because I always thought I will never get married to a man without having any trip with him.
He was waiting outside a metro station with all his luggage, looking in a different direction. I got down from the autorickshaw and stood at a distance for a couple of minutes analysing him and the whole situation.
He looked so casual with his t-shirt and track pants. I liked the way he came to meet me, without putting on any extra effort to meet a girl for the first time. In fact, I was also wearing a t-shirt and jeans.
I was nervous but excited to go close to him. It was our first meeting and we were going away from my city.
‘Should I go near him or run away from there?’ I was so confused. But then I remembered our talks from the last three months and I thought why not give it a try.
Every relationship starts from being strangers right?
I walked towards him, tapped his shoulder, he looked at me for a few seconds, stood up from the seat and gave me a tight hug. It was the best hug I ever had in my life.
Within a few seconds, we took a cab to reach a hotel we booked since our train was scheduled for the next morning.
Inside the car, he hugged me again and held my hand and never left it until we got down from the car. That was the moment I thought I wanted to get married. There was something so natural and soothing about him.
After spending a few days together in the mountains, we got to know a lot about each other. He was and still is so caring and loving.
It was our second trip (on his birthday) when we both proposed to each other (coincidentally) and both said yes.
We had a total of five trips and several beautiful memories before we got married. With each meeting, we became more sure about being with each other for the rest of our lives.
When we finally talked about marriage, it was like icing on the cake for me.
During one of our night chats, he asked me what kind of a marriage I wanted. I decided to speak my mind and told him that I wanted a simple court marriage. Just him, me and our families.
To my surprise, he was so happy and said that’s what he wanted too. ‘Let’s go for it.’
After talking to our parents and meeting each others’ parents, we got married in court. At night we had a get-together dinner at my home, just us, our family and a couple of close friends.
A lot of people around us had disagreements about this kind of marriage, but who cares? As they say, miya biwi raazi to kya karega kaazi?
We got married the way we wanted. It was without any stupid rituals, crowd, silly makeup, heavy bridal costume, a lot of food wastage, dowry, and stress.
Now we both are in Saudi, working, cooking, travelling, and having fun together. It’s been over a year and we are happy to be each other’s life partner.
Isn’t it how a marriage should be? That’s what a perfect wedding is to me!
Picture credits: Still from Bollywood movie Bhoot Part One : The Haunted Ship
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I love to write and travel. Can't do without these two. I am on Women's Web because I appreciate women and I want them to be heard. This is a wonderful platform where read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
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Many Indian elderly are firm believers in enslaving a daughter-in-law in the name of tradition which is actually a tradition of oppression and not of religious faith.
Albeit, the popular culture has interpreted scriptures as suggesting that Kanyadaan is the supreme form of donation given to someone, the connotation that the word donation alludes to definitely objectifies the girl.
Even when the exegesis justify the act of giving away the daughter, considering it a ritual to mark the initiation of the daughter into her husband’s gotra and her becoming the part of his family tree.
There is no denial of the fact that this initiation is not required on the part of the groom thereby formally denoting the end of the filial ties with the daughter as it was popularly instructed to the bride during the Vidai ceremonies:
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The story of my mountain home Birdsong & Beyond started taking shape in 2009, on the internet, the way many stories do these days.
My childhood fascination for a life in the Himalayas led to an internship with a central Himalayan NGO instead of a much prized corporate assignment. But when they offered me a full-time job, I refused. I was overcome by fear and a lack of confidence.
My other longings pulled me away – the longing to fit in, to earn validation from others. By my mid-30s, with all the trappings of a middle-class urban life in place, the call of the snows couldn’t be ignored anymore. So I got to work on it with clearer intentions and a stronger sense of what I needed for myself, and why.
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