5 Things I Hate To Hear, Being A Married Woman

I never thought getting married will put me in so much limelight. Whatever I wear, eat, and do, gives people a chance to judge me!

I never thought getting married will put me in so much limelight. Whatever I wear, eat, and do, gives people a chance to judge me!

The irony is that most of these people are female. Patriarchy was invented by men, but is still alive because of some women. We don’t stand for other women, but we love judging them. And judging a married woman is so much fun to many.

There are many times when people irk me with their questions and suggestions. Some do it unknowingly, but most people do it willingly.

There are many such things that I hate to hear being a married woman, but below, I am mentioning only the top 5 on my list.

When are you giving good news?

This question is so common. For many, the only appropriate next step after marriage is having a kid. If I tell them my age, then the question becomes more pestering. If I tell them that we don’t want kids, they think of it as a joke.

Why does marriage have to lead to parenthood ultimately? Can’t a couple live happily without a kid too? Perhaps being a happy childless married couple is beyond their imagination!

You are very lucky your husband can cook so well!

Well, I am indeed and so is my husband, as I too can cook. We both believe in equality and partnership. We both work, earn, travel, and even share household responsibilities. When he cooks delicious meals, I make sure to do the dishes and clean the kitchen afterwards. But, who cares? People are accustomed to see only women in the kitchen.

You have nothing negative to say about your in-laws because you are far from them!

Being far from someone doesn’t mean we don’t know enough about them. I keep in constant contact with them and like all other families, we also face difficulties sometimes. I cannot even talk to my MIL properly because she speaks Bengali and I Hindi. We put in a lot of effort to communicate with each other.

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I don’t say anything negative about my in-laws because I understand that we are all different from each other and I respect everyone’s individuality. We are family after all and I can’t drain my energy in badmouthing my own family members.

You spend so much of your husband’s income!

Whenever I buy something, this is the most common comment that I get from many people. I hate to remind them that I earn well too. And even if my husband gifts me something, it’s none of anyone’s business right? We earn, we spend! Whether we spend on ourselves or on each other, how does it affect you in any way?

You don’t look married, why don’t you put on makeup?

No vermillion, no bindi, no saree, no makeup! That’s the complete opposite of being a married woman, right? I never liked makeup anyway, but why you want to see bindi and vermillion on my head? Because that’s what you do too, right?

I don’t mind if you load yourself with makeup or jewellery, then why does my being simple bother you so much? It’s okay for men to look the same after marriage, then why do only women have to bear the symbols of marriage or rather, patriarchy?

I don’t bother if you have kids, want to look like a married woman, keep the karwachauth fast, or put on makeup. And I expect the same respect from your end too.

Can we just live and let live?

Image credits Kelly Sikkema via Unsplash

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About the Author

Reshma Rawat

I am on the Women's Web because I believe in gender equality and feminism. Being a writer, I find it a wonderful platform where I can share my thoughts, ideas and views with like- read more...

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