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I never thought getting married will put me in so much limelight. Whatever I wear, eat, and do, gives people a chance to judge me!
The irony is that most of these people are female. Patriarchy was invented by men, but is still alive because of some women. We don’t stand for other women, but we love judging them. And judging a married woman is so much fun to many.
There are many times when people irk me with their questions and suggestions. Some do it unknowingly, but most people do it willingly.
There are many such things that I hate to hear being a married woman, but below, I am mentioning only the top 5 on my list.
This question is so common. For many, the only appropriate next step after marriage is having a kid. If I tell them my age, then the question becomes more pestering. If I tell them that we don’t want kids, they think of it as a joke.
Why does marriage have to lead to parenthood ultimately? Can’t a couple live happily without a kid too? Perhaps being a happy childless married couple is beyond their imagination!
Well, I am indeed and so is my husband, as I too can cook. We both believe in equality and partnership. We both work, earn, travel, and even share household responsibilities. When he cooks delicious meals, I make sure to do the dishes and clean the kitchen afterwards. But, who cares? People are accustomed to see only women in the kitchen.
Being far from someone doesn’t mean we don’t know enough about them. I keep in constant contact with them and like all other families, we also face difficulties sometimes. I cannot even talk to my MIL properly because she speaks Bengali and I Hindi. We put in a lot of effort to communicate with each other.
I don’t say anything negative about my in-laws because I understand that we are all different from each other and I respect everyone’s individuality. We are family after all and I can’t drain my energy in badmouthing my own family members.
Whenever I buy something, this is the most common comment that I get from many people. I hate to remind them that I earn well too. And even if my husband gifts me something, it’s none of anyone’s business right? We earn, we spend! Whether we spend on ourselves or on each other, how does it affect you in any way?
No vermillion, no bindi, no saree, no makeup! That’s the complete opposite of being a married woman, right? I never liked makeup anyway, but why you want to see bindi and vermillion on my head? Because that’s what you do too, right?
I don’t mind if you load yourself with makeup or jewellery, then why does my being simple bother you so much? It’s okay for men to look the same after marriage, then why do only women have to bear the symbols of marriage or rather, patriarchy?
I don’t bother if you have kids, want to look like a married woman, keep the karwachauth fast, or put on makeup. And I expect the same respect from your end too.
Can we just live and let live?
Image credits Kelly Sikkema via Unsplash
I am on the Women's Web because I believe in gender equality and feminism. Being a writer, I find it a wonderful platform where I can share my thoughts, ideas and views with like- read more...
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As he stood in front of his door, Nishant prayed that his wife would be in a better mood. The baby thing was tearing them apart. When was the last time he had seen his wife smile?
Veena got into the lift. It was a festival day, and the space was crammed with little children dressed in bright yellow clothes, wearing fancy peacock feather crowns, and carrying flutes. Janmashtami gave her the jitters. She kept her face down, refusing to socialize with anyone.
They had moved to this new apartment three months ago. The whole point of shifting had been to get away from the ruthless questioning by ‘well-wishers’.
“You have been married for ten years! Why no child yet?”
I huffed, puffed and panted up the hill, taking many rest breaks along the way. My calf muscles pained, my heart protested, and my breathing became heavy at one stage.
“Let’s turn back,” my husband remarked. We stood at the foot of Shravanbelagola – one of the most revered Jain pilgrimage centres. “We will not climb the hill,” he continued.
My husband and I were vacationing in Karnataka. It was the month of May, and even at the early hour of 8 am in the morning, the sun scorched our backs. After visiting Bangalore and Mysore, we had made a planned stop at this holy site in the Southern part of the state en route to Hosur. Even while planning our vacation, my husband was very excited at the prospect of visiting this place and the 18 m high statue of Lord Gometeshwara, considered one of the world’s tallest free-standing monolithic statues.
What we hadn’t bargained for was there would be 1001 granite steps that needed to be climbed to have a close-up view of this colossal magic three thousand feet above sea level on a hilltop. It would be an understatement to term it as an arduous climb.
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