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My parents and I have received a lot of 'friendly advice' from interfering family members under the guise of being my 'well wishers'. Just. Keep. Away.
My parents and I have received a lot of ‘friendly advice’ from interfering family members under the guise of being my ‘well wishers’. Just. Keep. Away.
Family. What a beautiful word. Associated with care, love, and affection. Unfortunately, it’s hijacked by a few unscrupulous people under the garb of ‘well-wishers’.
Being an only daughter to my parents, I was raised with lots of love. My middle-class parents ensured that I realised the value of money, and didn’t disrespect Goddess Lakshmi. Having said that, they left no stones unturned to fund my education.
Later on, when I expressed my intent to learn German, there was not an iota of hesitation in their saying a YES. It was, mind you, expensive in those days. It still is. But it was clear – they had immense faith in me. I didn’t disappoint them, either.
It was those set of relatives who call themselves ‘well wishers’, who made the loudest noise, all under the garb of ‘care’. Some of the objections were-
~ Foreign language courses are so expensive. Why waste so much money on them?
~ If you spend so much money now, how will you be able to marry her off?
~ She is becoming too westernized. How can you control her later?
~ She is already in her 20s. When will we get the good news?
~ Why can’t your daughter get a job in a BPO and support you?
I have to give my parents their due credit. Despite all the negativity around them, they stood rock-solid with me. But what got my goat was, why did these people have to poke their noses when it was absolutely not required? Who gave them the moral right to diss my life?
If you think my marriage would have changed their perception, then you are wrong. Under the guise of ‘helping’ me, they spewed their usual nonsense.
Some of their ‘friendly’ advice at my wedding was –
And the torment continues to this day.
~ Why is she not wearing a mangalsutra?
~ Why is she dressing up like a whore? (I haven’t make this up!)
~ She doesn’t look like a Tamilian.
~ She doesn’t keep in touch with us.
~ No babies? All ok?
It’s impossible to change the traits of people around me. I realised that much later in my life. Now, I don’t bother about these trivial things. These good-for-nothing, silly people can go on, but I choose to ignore it. Life is now peaceful.
Is that what’s called a ‘change in mindset’? I do not know. Whatever!
Image source: a still from FilterCopy
I am a boring IT professional, lost in the monotonous world of Excel. So, I seek refuge in Word, pun intended. And.. I am a crazy cat person, a badge I proudly flaunt. read more...
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She would serve everyone fresh food and serve herself the stale rice and curries from the previous meal. Some days after finishing the leftovers she was so full she would not even be able to even taste the fresh food.
When I married the first time, my MIL told me that during the Navratri the lady of the house should not eat stale food. ‘Gharatlya bai ni shila khau naye’ — in refined upper caste Marathi.
I was just 26, eager to please, not versed in patriarchy or feminism, and it seemed like a positive thing — respect for the goddess in woman.
But soon I realised she spent the remaining 356 days of her year finishing leftovers. And that I was expected to do the same.
We say that we live in modern times and talk on subjects like feminism, supporting your loved ones, encouraging them to follow their dreams. But how many of us can really say that they actually do that?
We live in a world where there comes times in everyone’s life when one has to make choices which will leave a long term impact in not just their life but on the lives of those attached to them.
Giving the ones you claim to love the freedom and space to make their own choices and the wings to fly is not only the right thing to do but sometimes its also the thing they need the most; without having to face the ‘guilt’ of living the life they want.