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My parents and I have received a lot of 'friendly advice' from interfering family members under the guise of being my 'well wishers'. Just. Keep. Away.
My parents and I have received a lot of ‘friendly advice’ from interfering family members under the guise of being my ‘well wishers’. Just. Keep. Away.
Family. What a beautiful word. Associated with care, love, and affection. Unfortunately, it’s hijacked by a few unscrupulous people under the garb of ‘well-wishers’.
Being an only daughter to my parents, I was raised with lots of love. My middle-class parents ensured that I realised the value of money, and didn’t disrespect Goddess Lakshmi. Having said that, they left no stones unturned to fund my education.
Later on, when I expressed my intent to learn German, there was not an iota of hesitation in their saying a YES. It was, mind you, expensive in those days. It still is. But it was clear – they had immense faith in me. I didn’t disappoint them, either.
It was those set of relatives who call themselves ‘well wishers’, who made the loudest noise, all under the garb of ‘care’. Some of the objections were-
~ Foreign language courses are so expensive. Why waste so much money on them?
~ If you spend so much money now, how will you be able to marry her off?
~ She is becoming too westernized. How can you control her later?
~ She is already in her 20s. When will we get the good news?
~ Why can’t your daughter get a job in a BPO and support you?
I have to give my parents their due credit. Despite all the negativity around them, they stood rock-solid with me. But what got my goat was, why did these people have to poke their noses when it was absolutely not required? Who gave them the moral right to diss my life?
If you think my marriage would have changed their perception, then you are wrong. Under the guise of ‘helping’ me, they spewed their usual nonsense.
Some of their ‘friendly’ advice at my wedding was –
And the torment continues to this day.
~ Why is she not wearing a mangalsutra?
~ Why is she dressing up like a whore? (I haven’t make this up!)
~ She doesn’t look like a Tamilian.
~ She doesn’t keep in touch with us.
~ No babies? All ok?
It’s impossible to change the traits of people around me. I realised that much later in my life. Now, I don’t bother about these trivial things. These good-for-nothing, silly people can go on, but I choose to ignore it. Life is now peaceful.
Is that what’s called a ‘change in mindset’? I do not know. Whatever!
Image source: a still from FilterCopy
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If you want to get back to work after a break, here’s the ultimate guide to return to work programs in India from tech, finance or health sectors - for women just like you!
Last week, I was having a conversation with a friend related to personal financial planning and she shared how she had had fleeting thoughts about joining work but she was apprehensive to take the plunge. She was unaware of return to work programs available in India.
She had taken a 3-year long career break due to child care and the disconnect from the job arena that she spoke about is something several women in the same situation will relate to.
More often than not, women take a break from their careers to devote time to their kids because we still do not have a strong eco-system in place that can support new mothers, even though things are gradually changing on this front.
A married woman has to wear a sari, sindoor, mangalsutra, bangles, anklets, and so much more. What do these ornaments have to do with my love, respect, and commitment to my husband?
They: Are you married? Me: Yes They: But You don’t look like it Me: (in my Mind) Why should I?
Why is being married not enough for a woman, and she needs to look married too? I am tired of such comments in the nearly four years of being married.
I believe that anything that is forced is not right. I must have a choice. I am a living human, not a puppet. And I am not stopping anyone by not following any tradition. You are free to do whatever you like to do. But do not force others. It’s depressing.