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Can We Accept Our Mothers As Flawed Human Beings Trying Their Best?

Posted: January 21, 2021

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A takeaway from Tribhanga as a mom is that neither should we try to mold our kids our way, and kids should also understand that parents do their best.

“I wish my children were the characters I have written, then I would have moulded them the way I wished!” This dialogue by Tanvi Azmi from the film Tribhanga will stay with me for sometime.

This is a movie about three different women, three different generations, from the same family. It is made by a woman too. As expected in a feminist movie, themes of child abuse, female foeticide, patriarchy, etc are tackled.

But I looked at it from a point of a mother.

The three women

Tanvi Azmi plays the character of a celebrated writer, who was ahead of her times. She goes to court because she wants her children to have her name instead of their father’s. She is ok with her child staying in a live in relationship. She is very clear about what she wants, and likes to live her life the way she wants. But her children disown her. They don’t even call her mom

Kajol plays Tanvi Azmi’s daughter. She has many of her mother’s traits inspite of hating her mother. She is fiercely independent. She can do anything for her daughter unlike her mother, but she doesn’t realise that she is not being able to give her daughter the stability she desires.

Mithila Palkar plays the role of Kajol’s daughter. It looks like she deliberately choose a very sober life very different from the life of her mother and grandmother as if trying to get something which she thought she did not get growing up as a child and trying to create a different world for her kids.

Growing up and becoming a parent ourselves

When we become parents, we always try not to make the same mistakes as our parents, more so when we have had a bad childhood. That’s what Anuradha, the character Kajol played does. Her daughter is her world; she can do everything for her but she doesn’t realise that the way she lived her life can effect her daughter.

Masha, the character Mithila Palkar plays, looks for stability in life and completely moulds herself into the daughter in law of a family which is very very conservative. Her decision is based on the challenges she faced as a child. We actually feel sorry for her.

Nayan, the role played by Tanvi Azmi, is writing her autobiography and in the process she confesses that she did not know about the child abuse her daughter went through. How does that make it ok and her daughter forgives her? This is something that I did not get. Is it that simple?

Tanvi Azmi was very good. Kajol is a brilliant actor, but sometimes I felt that she was trying to hard to fit in the cuss words which were mostly unnecessary. I don’t know why filmmakers are obsessed with the theory that strong women should use certain kind of language. Mithila Palkar was good and she did justice to her role.

My take away from this movie is that It would be really nice if we could mould our kids the way we want in the story of our life but since we cannot do that we should create an atmosphere where our kids mould themselves into whatever they want to be instead of trying not to be like us in case they don’t like what they saw.

Tribhanga, as the name suggests is a thedi medi story. Worth a watch.

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