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7 Things A Husband Must NEVER Say To His Visa Wife And Rub In Her Dependent Status

Posted: August 24, 2020

‘The joy of living abroad’ syndrome is often found in many Indians, and the husband often inadvertently rubs in the dependent status that a Visa wife might find problematic.

We feel this urge to move to a new place which promises us a bright future. The place and its varied landscape, culture and exoticity influences us to such an extent that, we identify more with this than the place we used to call our ‘home’.

But all hell breaks loose, when a person’s Visa doesn’t allow them to have an identity of their own in this foreign land. And often others don’t realise it.

Visa wives

The dependents accompany the primary Visa holder as their spouses, and in many cases they don’t like this new found ‘restricted’ freedom away from their own country. Some say it aloud in front of their better halves, while rest lament in the quietude of their inner soul.

The respective spouses too, often aggravate their distress by saying things in their own joy… how would they understand?

Single income here is more than our combined income back home

Income is pivotal to a household and hence this statement can’t be ruled out altogether. But saying this in front of a person who has left her job to accompany her spouse to a foreign land, definitely aggravates the woes.

Undeniably, leaving without an income source is hard. My own Dad had always emphasized the importance of economic independence for everyone, irrespective of gender. Because of the currency value, even a single income in certain countries may be way more than a double income in India, but that shouldn’t serve as the sole criteria to motivate your spouse.

The independent partner may not be able to empathize with the plight of his spouse, whose wings of independence are curtailed with this move.

Savings are more here

Now this one is a derivation of the previous statement.

Rise in income will lead to more savings for sure. Only because your remittances have seen a growth, that doesn’t mean your better half will act happy. Just put yourself in the other person’s shoes, and you will feel the pinch.

If the other partner is happy, then it’s all good, else it’s inhuman to put forth your grievance by showing her the additional zeroes in your bank account. She might not be very impressed with this ‘monetary gain’ and may be craving for the much needed liberty to prove her own skills professionally.

Let’s go for a baby and you will be occupied

Now this one certainly makes me fume with anger. Many of my friends have said this, too.

Planning a baby should have nothing to do with your free time. A couple should plan a baby only when they are mentally and physically prepared for the same. Both parties should wholeheartedly consent to this new phase.

“You have sufficient free time” shouldn’t be the deciding factor to plan a new life. ‘Motherhood’ could be a state of eternal bliss for most women, a beautiful phase that should be enjoyed thoroughly if wanted, but one’s ‘being jobless’ shouldn’t be the driving factor behind such a crucial decision.

Your job wasn’t a well paying one

No one be it husband, wife or any damn person has the right to comment on one’s job.

It’s not that everybody will earn a five zero package per month. Like our fingers, each job is different and unique in its own sweet way. The salaries vary and are driven by numerous factors. On top of it, to pass a comment like this is not at all in good taste. It’s easy to be judgmental but its so very difficult to be empathetic.

Do some courses or learn a new thing

To study or to learn a new thing is definitely praiseworthy, but that shouldn’t be undertaken only to do away with your boredom.

When one does a course, then he or she has a goal or an objective embossed in their mind. The level of engagement and interest a person might show in this case may be huge as compared to when they do it just for the sake of utilizing their idle time. They may not be able to give their hundred percent to this new passion, thereby getting hurt eventually in the process.

Only few years, then we’ll apply for your Visa and you can start working

‘Few years’ is a highly ambiguous term. When the period is not properly defined, the time lag seems unending and annoying.

It might be easy for the ever cheerful earning partner to say so, but for the other half the wait period might be a phase which comes coupled with uncertainty and anxiety.

If your better half agrees to wait with a smile on her face then it’s fine. Else their patience might have gone for a toss, and these words hardly have the capacity to pacify them.

This place will give us a bright future

This is the Mother of all: ‘Bright Future’

What does this word mean? Just relocating or moving out of your country doesn’t guarantee a Future. If your spouse isn’t happy, then your future won’t get bright anyway.

Your better half may have sacrificed a rewarding career just for your sake. When your beloved’s present is dull and uneventful, then how come you will have a rosy future?

Please think.

Image source: a still from the film The Namesake

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A former Banking and SAP professional, I love scribbling my thoughts. Mother to two boys,

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