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Behind every nagging wife is a girl with broken dreams and unfulfilled promises, trying to be the perfect partner for her imperfect male counterpart, thinking of what life could have been if not this.
“One is not born a woman, one becomes one.” It took me a lifetime to understand these words of feminist writer Simone de Beauvoir.
And then 10 years of marriage taught me this important lesson: “She is not born a nagging wife, she becomes one.”
The whole idea of nagging has been attributed to women especially to the married ones, so much that some brands have centred their promotions highlighting the plight of husbands plagued by ‘nagging wives’ at home, and providing a perfect solution for the same.
One such instance happened some time ago when English Vinglish fame actor Adil Hussain tweeted an advertisement of Fun Cinemas. The ad read: “Office, Nagging Wife, K-serials. Leave them all behind. Welcome to the movies.”
The actor put a spotlight on the sexist words of the company in question, asking them to call back this campaign as soon as possible.
Well Fun Cinemas, you only highlight a part of the problem in the chain ‘a wife that nags’ and ignore the other end of the chain- the origin of a nagging wife.
In my opinion, the root cause of a nagging wife is ‘marriage’ and a family that takes her for granted.
Don’t coerce your girls into marriages that they have no say about, where they are looked at just as a cog in the patriarchal family structure, and they will not become nagging wives.
Give them choice to make decisions about their lives, and you’ll never find a nagging wife.
Let them live their lives their way, don’t set unrealistic standards and unwanted restrictions and yes this whole nagging wife concept would become an utopia.
From the time a girl is born she is subject to constant scrutiny of parents/ relatives/ neighbours to act, behave and respond in a manner that corresponds to the married life.
Most Indian girls hear the same old lines while growing up, “You will get married one day and move to another house. This won’t work once you get married.”
Not only are girls staying under constant scrutiny, but our dreams, wishes, and career choices are also monitored vis a vis marriage.
“Do this once you get married. Only if your husband allows. This career option won’t work after marriage.”
Another set of do’s and don’ts added in the list.
So right from birth, a girl is conditioned to become a perfect being with a zipped tongue and act and behave an ideal way pre decided way, while a boy is pampered and his imperfections are glorified and overlooked as “your wife will set it right.”
So when a girl, now a wife, says or does something correcting your behaviour, you go a step further and term her behaviour as nagging.
Well, isn’t this discrimination?
Even after adjusting to your ideas of an ‘ideal wife’, and doing what the parents anyway felt she should be doing (correcting their parental failures) and also living life your way, all she gets as a reward is the title of nagging wife.
This is cruel.
Husbands you can stop the nagging behaviour of your wives, and believe me it’s not that difficult. Just a pinch of adjustment from your side mixed with good amount of understanding is the perfect cure of your age old problem. Not very difficult – wives have been doing a chunk of it through ages.
Just take a tour around the house and instead of highlighting the issues that need fixing, go ahead and fix it.
Simple, isn’t it. Don’t hide under the garb of “this is not my job/ duty.” Well, it is your house too. You stay in here as well. And yes, if it ain’t your duty, it ain’t her duty as well. Just don’t keep on adding points in her daily list of ‘Things to do’.
Husbands, act a little responsible, and give your wives a break as and when they need. Don’t wait for the ideal time, or until she demands for some quality me time. Just do it. And your wife won’t nag.
Give her freedom to choose her career choice/hobby. Dont let her put her dreams on hold citing the responsibilities of household/children/aging parents. And your wife will never nag.
It demands but adjustments that weigh not too much on your time, a little alteration to your manners and behaviour and you would never go back home to a nagging wife.
But adjusting and mending your ways seems very difficult to you, right?.
Hence, when you scrutinise her on a scale of perfect behaviour, why isn’t she allowed to expect the same out of you? Her nagging is the things she wants you to change, and bring forth in your behaviour.
Try it for a change.
While Fun Cinemas might provide a temporary ‘relief’, this is a more reliable, stable, and permanent solution.
And businesses – next time you get your creative juices flowing, try to also find the antidote to abusive husbands, rapists, molesters, and paedophiles.
We, women especially the ‘nagging wives’ too need a break and can help you grow your business better than our male counterparts. Come up with the best possible solution.
Till then, refrain from demeaning women. Don’t make fun of them. Period.
Image source: YouTube
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Writing started on an impulse as a means to vent out emotional distress. Now it
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