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The men and women both should be taught about how they need to behave with the other person, not only the women.
The thinking of a lot of people needs to change at least now, when it comes to the gender roles the men and women play before and after marriage. Both the men and women need to act and behave maturely and should know to obey, not only the women.
I hear a lot of people saying things to the ill mannered grown up boys like “When your wife will come, she will fix you”. Why will some another woman come and fix your 25 year old boy’s attitude who refuses to grow up into a man and learn some basic ethics? You couldn’t handle him, how do you expect some another woman to come and handle him or fix him?
Marriage is a relationship which works when both the man and the woman are ready to take up the responsibility of each other. A woman can only influence a man in a good or a bad way. But she shouldn’t be responsible to put some sense into his head or groom him into a man. She is looking to get married to a man, not an ill mannered, immature baby. Grooming him into a man, teaching values, teaching basic ethics of how to behave with people around is the responsibility of his family, not the woman he gets married to.
Why aren’t the girls of the house being told, “You can learn it all after you get married.” Just like the men. Because we feel, the whole responsibility lies on the women of the house and not the men when it comes to “BEHAVING” and that’s the reason most of the “men” are “MISBEHAVED” not the women. Teach the lessons to both.
The girls are groomed right from their young age into being the “ideal bahu” or the “ideal women”. That’s the reason , girls are more mature than the boys of her age these days. The girls are literally made to do a crash course into cooking, cleaning, walking, sitting, talking before they get married. It’s great. She should know to cook all the cuisines and serve her family but does she deserve a man who gets annoyed on the smallest of things? No, right? So why only train the women? Why not train the men to be polite? Why not teach the men that a woman is a human too and not a machine that should work at home 24/7? No I’m not against it. I would love to serve him his favourite dish but only if he respects me and loves me the way I deserve to be loved and respected. I would do everything but what if he is acting like a child over every small thing? Yeah not every man out there is like this neither every woman out there is like this but in most cases, this is how it is.
The women facing things alone and the men being in their own world of attitude and alter ego. “I’m a man. It’s her duty”. Yes it is but things can be done together, with patience , love ,care and compassion. You need not show your “I’m a man” attitude to the women you are married to. You are her protector and partner not her owner. Communicate with her, don’t only order. Respect her and see her doing things she does for you, with a smile and not a frown.
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It is easy to give in to patriarchal expectations from a married woman and lose your self in a marriage, but the path to happiness is in keeping your independence.
Marriage is often described as the joining of two individuals’ bodies, minds, and souls. Upon getting married, you are expected to share everything with your partner, including time, money, and all other aspects of life. Your life should revolve around your spouse from beginning to end.
But is it necessary to spend every waking moment with the spouse? Are you not supposed to have a life apart from your spouse? And do these rules apply only to women or men as well?
Although both men and women may face this situation, women are generally expected to give up everything once they get married. Despite progress in several areas, expecting women to abandon their interests, passions, and friendships to align their lives with those of their spouses is still considered the norm.
The rising numbers of single women choosing this life shout out clear and loud that patriarchy and sexism will no longer break or chain us.
Another book on singlehood? It seems to be the season for books on the joys and freedom of being single. But Demystifying and Dignifying Singlehood: Life Journeys of Single Women Across the Globe by Uma Jain is different. The book does not glorify or glamourise the lives of single women in any way. These are real stories – with the good, the bad and the ugly, all there.
The book tells the stories of 15 single women across the world. A feeling of deep understanding and empathy fills you as you read the book and understand the challenges faced by the women who are single – by choice or chance. Some of the women chose to be single because they faced discrimination and even abuse as girl children. Some others had abusive marriages and sought divorce.
The tag line ‘Crafting pathways on rough terrains’ on the cover page is enough to tell you that this is a serious take on the issue of singlehood. If it focuses more on the rough than the smooth, that has been the reality for the 15 women.
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