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Desire alone is not enough to heal our lives, action will. The Japanese art of Kintsugi assumes great relevance here.
“Will I laugh as much if you told me the same joke one more time? Then why am I saddened by the same thought over and over?”
If you can’t get rid of 10 reasons to dislike yourself, just find one reason to love yourself and follow it. Fill that void, that’s making you hollow, with love and kind words to yourself.
It’s very important to sit and think about what my inner dialogue is. What is my soliloquy when I’m alone? What’s the first thing I tell myself after I wake up? Because, for so many negative thoughts, even if there’s one positive thing to tell myself, the chances are half of my day will be better, and with that positivity I might also wake up the kids to a happier morning.
A smile can help me manage a tantrum and morning rush much more easily. That’s the kind of pretend I like to play. If I’m not, I pretend to be happy, put on a fake smile, and eventually it becomes reality, it becomes the way.
Would I love myself more had I not been through motherhood? The answer is NO, although I loved the old self even more post pregnancy. The diminishing jaw lines, a thin silhouette, the pits in the cheeks that were now filling up; I missed it all.
That guilt of I am not me anymore, I think we all have felt it. But the struggle to fall in love with one self for a whole new reason was even more satisfying. To hate change is human, to accept that change and embrace our flaws is a kind of love that comes harder but it stays.
One day I was telling my girls as they almost cried to wear ‘party dresses to sand play’ because they wanted to look pretty; I could simply tell them that dresses are not for sand, but I went on to tell them “it’s not the dress that’s pretty, it’s YOU. Whatever you wear it will look good on you if you feel that way. And what makes you beautiful is your kind heart.”
They may not remember this, but that’s what I thought. One night while looking at my old pics, I casually uttered, “Look at me, I was beautiful!”. My four year old said “You are, even now, it’s your kind heart that makes you beautiful”.
I think that was my moment of awakening. I want my daughters to believe in themselves, then why should I look down upon myself?
What do others think about me, why am I bothered even about that? I BELIEVE ME! If I feel something lacking in myself, I don’t need to worry but think how to act on it and fix it if I must.
Don’t concern yourself with being happy, instead focus on being strong.
Baby blues are quite natural after giving birth. There’s a lot of change in our life and physically our bodies have gone through a lot internally and externally; all this disrupts our mental and emotional state. We are not prepared for such change, and when we can’t accept certain changes, we tend to despair.
Everybody suffers. Some share their suffering with others and some choose to manage their pain discreetly. Who is suffering more, there’s no measure for calculating that.
When distressed, we forget to look around and keep worrying alone. Look around – there’s always someone who can be your Kintsugi. Someone to fill your emptiness and tell you that you’re enough. Your kintsugi could be a friend, partner, relative, a therapist, your kids. For those who undergo their pain discreetly, your kintsugi could be YOU.
Give yourself time to fill these scars that are annoying you. And soon you’ll realise your scars are not what you lack, it’s what you have gained, earned and learnt from. Make your scars beautiful. Pick up your pieces and create something out of yourself. Don’t worry about your emptiness, think about how you can overcome it.
Worry less and think more because thinking, when done right, is productive and creative. Do what distracts you from your worthlessness, create something. Whatever you create is art.
Life will not spontaneously heal. Desire alone is not enough to heal our lives, action will. Feeling the pain is universal, but getting out of that pain is important. Don’t retain anchored in pain. So what if you are not you anymore, rewrite yourself and be the version that you’ll love.
*Thoughts gathered based on Kintsugi: Embrace your imperfections and find happiness by Tomas Navarro
Image via Unsplash
First published at author’s blog
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Author - Kids are from Mercury (Available now @ Amazon)
~Anu Gogna is a copywriter, photographer and
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