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Why are victims of domestic violence questioned about the proof of it? Isn’t it time we taught our girls their rights instead of letting them suffer?
Neither my parents nor any of my relatives, or friends taught me what to do in case of domestic violence. Maybe they didn’t have any experience with it. Or maybe they didn’t know what to say.
But the moment something happened to me, suggestions came pouring in from everywhere. Right from ‘You should have done this when he slapped you,’ ‘you should have spoken to us when he took your gold away,’ to ‘you should have told his parents about his very accepted extramarital affair,’ the list of what I should have done was never ending.
To whoever I confided in before, all said, ‘It happens in all marriages,‘ ‘with time, everything will change’ and ‘you’d adjust to these.’ But no one ever told me to leave that abusive relationship.
There were two reasons for that- one that first having a baby, getting a divorce and coming back is not something that is in tune with our society. Secondly, the amount of time and money that goes in making and taking a case forward in the family court is a hassle. Yes, it is true that people don’t enter the family court for the sake of saving their daughter’s face and life.
Indian parents would prefer unloading a list of cons on their daughters about the woes of life as a single parent and how it would be difficult to get their child admitted in a school.
And finally, when I did decide to end the marriage to move on, there were a lot of questions thrown at me. They wanted to know what proof I had that my husband abused me. What bull crap was this! When I opened up to them about the abuse, they refused to listen. And now they want proof! Even lawyers wanted proof.
Well, what no one ever told me was to keep the proof of what he did to me! No one ever told me that I should have gone to the police station the moment I was physically abused. Rather, the only word plugged in my mind when I was married was the word, ‘adjustment.’ No one told me to what limit I should adjust or when I shouldn’t.
It would be better if we educate our young girls to the threshold level of adjustment. Otherwise, they would keep adjusting and adjusting until they can’t take it anymore or probably even after that.
Educating them with the laws will definitely help them. The only thing they need is to have the courage to end things at the right time to save their lives.
Picture credits: Still from movie Videsh.
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