What is the meaning of a women's life? Is it to be lived to make her family happy? Or is it meant to be a fulfilling of her own potential?
What is the meaning of a women’s life? Is it to be lived to make her family happy? Or is it meant to be a fulfilling of her own potential?
I really wonder at the different roles a woman plays in her whole life.
Lots of responsibilities, some are to be fulfilled for her own well being, and some for the sake of society. Whatever duties she does, at the end of the day, only a few get noticed. Others remain quite unheeded .
I was raised and educated in a middle class family in Kerala.
From childhood itself, the only thing I have heard from my parents was: study well, get a job and be financially independent.
On the pursuit of achieving the very same goal, I worked hard to the best of my capacity (though this realisation dawned on me only after 13yrs of age). Well, working hard to best of my capacity in itself suggests that I could not make it to the toppers list in any of my classes… and there was not enough appreciation from my parents side also.
But the improvement I had was remarkable, from being an utter failure in almost all the subjects in my lower primary to scoring above 90 in all subjects in 10th.
I thought I would be complimented with enough rewards but all my expectations were in vain. The journey to achieve something more (so that I get more rewards) continued even after my 10th. Alongwith this, grew my inferiority complex. And also there was a fear in me of my father’s words, “if you don’t score high enough in the boards, your studies will be over, you will be married off soon!”
It seemed like a nightmare for me, and I was damn sure I won’t be able to clear the entrance for Engineering/ Medicine. By gods grace and the hard work I did with this fear in mind, I got admitted for engineering.
The refrain of “studies studies studies” was lingering in my ears then also.
It took me some time to realise that a girl’s life is not about the marks she scored. It’s not about how well she behaved in her school, not about the good compliments she received from her teachers, not at all about the good circle of friends she has/had, not about how well earning she is, not about how reputed her job is, not about how high her education qualification is, it’s not about how caring or loving she is to her parents/relatives.
The problem is with our society, our so called ‘Indian tradition/ culture?’ The destiny of a woman’s life is determined by the people called-‘In Laws’; yes, obviously after marriage.
Can you think of some strangers, passing comments, or in a way judging you without knowing much about you? Or rather, if that is their right to do so, whatever good you did to please them.
I was totally shattered when this happened to me within 2 weeks after my marriage. They knew very little about me or I would say nothing about me, and they were like, “you don’t know how to manage a family. See how peacefully Divya (their own niece) is leading her life!”
At many instances, I would be choked with words in my mouth but I couldn’t even open my mouth. I hadn’t done a course in “How to manage a family”; I was similar to their son whom I was married to (unfortunately, over qualified for their son), only going on with my studies, dreaming of getting a job, earning some money. And nowhere in my wildest dreams had I thought of living a life like I was living after my marriage.
Well to all the parents out there, teach your daughters the way you want them to be in their life. If that is not possible, then at least make them realise the sweet and bitter truth of life which they have to experience being a woman. Thus you can ensure that, a drastic change in their life would not turn them upside down.
Or else give them all the support possible from your side and stand with them through thick and thin, so that they be responsible human beings. Make them realise their worth. Teach them the value of their life.
Now I understand that I was WRONG. Whatever you are till you get married, is the true you. You need not change yourself for pleasing someone after marriage. After all it’s your life, and you have to live it the way you best think you should.
Image source: a still from the movie Dear Zindagi
I am a Researcher, Mom of 4 year old, FEMINIST in thoughts. read more...
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