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How to be an assertive new bride in a culture that teaches them to give in and do what others want them to? Because the early days of marriage decide how your future will be.
Vijeta was a new bride. All she knew was that she had been a dutiful student growing up. Her parents considered her responsible and capable. She had completed her masters and had a great job.
So when she had an arranged marriage, she wanted to be liked by her husband’s family as much as she was liked by all the other people in her life thus far.
Little did Vijeta realize, that this need to be accepted and included in a new household would at times clash with her own belief systems, her needs and desires, or her ways of life before marriage.
And all the advice she had got on handling such dilemmas was to ensure peace in the house, always respect elders, and make small compromises by keeping the big picture in mind.
There may be a Vijeta in each of us. Particularly if we have been raised in a middle class household with strong ties in the family, you can relate to her nervousness and her need to impress her new in-laws.
But she might have to contend with work clashing with rituals at home, even if she doesn’t believe in the rituals herself.
She may be required to change her attire to suit the tastes of older generations or behave attached to her extended family even if she doesn’t feel so as yet.
Her husband may also be completely ignorant that she needs time and space to adjust to a new life, especially when they continue to live with, or in the same city as his family.
What should she do? Comply with new norms of her husband’s family and earn the name of a good ‘bahu’? Or stand her ground, speak her mind and be branded a rebel?
Little does she know that the choices she makes in the first few days, weeks and months of her marriage will set the tone for her happiness and that of everyone else around her. This is her time to set boundaries on what works and doesn’t work with her, so that she is accepted the way she is. Her opportunity to assert her opinions, without being offensive or aggressive.
Most young brides struggle in asserting themselves early, either because they don’t know how to or because they have no way to resolve the inner conflicts they go through in such a period.
Assertiveness is not about offending anyone, nor is it about being passive and compliant. It is a critical communication skill that can help us stand up for ourselves, through emotional calm and the use of positive language.
Given with where our Indian society is today and how financially empowered our young brides are, isn’t it prudent for us to also emotionally empower them?
Surprisingly, trainers and psychologists believe that assertiveness can be taught even to adults.
During pre-wedding preparations, we see brides getting appointments to prepare for their hair and make-up. Wouldn’t they do well to also meet a counselor/trainer to help prepare for the new adjustments in the days ahead?
Image source: a still from the movie Manmarziyaan
Writing makes me happy, so does expressing my views. I am opinionated, optimistic and interested in influencing a change in mindset. read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
It is shameful that in today's world too, women are abused and even killed for giving birth to a girl, and the infant's life is also of no value.
Trigger Warning: This deals with domestic violence, suicide, and violence against women, and may be triggering to survivors.
I am so glad that the esteemed courts are now giving the much-required verdicts regarding certain ideologies that were not at all entertained earlier. I mean we all have studied this much biology at our school level and it is our duty (our generation) to educate our elders about it.
Why someone have to lose a life to bring such awareness to the society. Delhi High Court gave this judgement concerning a case that filed by the deceased daughter’s parents against her in-laws. She committed suicide as she was harassed and tortured for dowry and giving birth to two daughters.
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